Why Does Everything Hate Us?

(POV: Elekid)

Ah, water! We could use a quick drink and rinse after that run-in with the Vigoroths.  I'm not about to swim in there like Dratini is, but to each his own--

...psst!

...psst! Dratini!

...Dratini!

DRATINI THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE WATER AND IT'S COMING AFTER YOU!

No rest in the wild, I suppose.  Oh no, now it's coming after me! What ungodly demon-creature--

Umm...it's a Slowpoke.  Is it...is this thing alright?

Maybe...maybe we could...maybe we could talk to it?

Heeey, buuuuuddy.  Whatcha doin'? Havin' a little swim? Are you gonna hurt us? Do you wanna--

NO DON'T ATTACK IT!

I think...we made it...mad? Fuck it.  It's gonna be easier to just knock it out.  Thundershock it until the problem goes away.

For some reason, I don't feel good about what we've done here.

Uh oh, it's getting dark.  We better get some rest if we're going to get up those mountains, but we can't afford to be snuck up on, so I suppose someone should keep watch.

Not it!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

...ugh, what is it, Dratini?

There's what in the water? All I see are lily pads--

I hate the wild.  I hate it so much--

YOU FELL ASLEEP, DRATINI?! Great...

Listen, we got separated from our trainers and we're lost in the wild.  We're very tired, but we will house you if you try to attack us.  If you wanna just go about your business, you do that and we'll go to sleep.

...going about your business.  Smart choice, Lotads.  Carry on.

See? Talking is not an overrated--

What was that?

...Eevee...there is something over there...it looks big...and it sounds like it's getting closer.  Go wake up Dratini; I'll wake up the others.

Chansey, take Tyrogue, Vulpix, Shieldon, and Pawniard and head up the river.  There's something coming this way and it doesn't seem happy--

OH SHIT HERE IT COMES!

For reals...not as bad as I had thought, but we still have to take this angry thing out before it tramples us to death.  Let's do this, guys!

Yeah! Sweep the legs, Elekid! Alright, Dratini wrapped himself around the hid legs, so he's not going--

...why?

Why do you do these things? We are in a forest.  This is not safe--

EEVEE DON'T JUMP INTO THE FIRE--!

Oh, you knocked out the Stantler? Well...good job, then.

Well, since we're all up and rested, we better get moving.  We don't need to sleep eight to nine hours; we can take little nap-breaks along the way, but in essence, we'll be staying on the move.  Up and at 'em, guys.  The path goes right through these trees--

Dratini, what are you doing? Why are you attacking that tree--?

LITWICK! WHY ARE YOU BURNING THE TREE?! WHY ARE WE DESTROYING EVERYTHING--?!

Oh...well, yes, our trainers could potentially follow this trail to us, but so could anything else--

Screw it, just burn it down.  Yeah, burn another one down, too.  I've really stopped caring--

Wait! No! There's something still in that tree! You'll kill it! Ugh...now I have to play firefighter!

Quickly! Take my hand!

Gah! Got ya! You're safe now, mister--

Oh, you're adorable! Hey there, little guy! Aww, he's hugging me! Aww, he's...he's not letting go.  Eh, he's not that heavy.  Fine.  He's a backpack now.

Hmm...it looks like the river snakes back around this way, so it looks like we have to cross here.  Good thing I can jump the gap.  I'll wait for the others to swim across and I'll stay dry.

I just hope there aren't any Pokemon waiting to ambush us--

GAH! Spoke too soon! I don't want to electrocute them, you guys! You're still in the water and you'll be in line of fire, too--

GAH, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!

Ice Punch uppercut! Yeah! You can't sneak up on me--!

GAH!

Oww! Friggin' spider! How about some electricity right into your heart and an icy fist in your ribs! Hoorah! You'd need an army to take me on, and I have a sloth on my back! Whatchoo got, son!

Wait...there's something up with these trees...

Oh...so...the trees...are full...of Spinaraks.

So...

Umm...

Well...

EVERYONE RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Litwick? Litwick...why are you smiling--?

Well...

So...

Umm...

...let's leave this place and never speak of our despicable actions here again.

The only place to go now is up.  Geographically, that is.  Probably not morally.  Morally, we're probably going to delve into an unspeakable abyss.

I'm beginning to share in Chansey's worries about this group.  I mean, Eevee and I seem pretty level-headed...but that candle is going to kill us all one day.