Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Pidgey

(POV: Pidgey)

It's going to get dark soon, and since we're pretty much on our own, we need to come up with a plan. Since I'm the smartest motherfucker here, I guess it's up to me. Now, I know there's a river around here somewhere that leads to the bay, and if we find the bay, we can find the town. Now, let's see...

Hmm...

Okay! New plan! The bay is to the west. The sun is setting in the west. Let's fucking go west. Which way's west? Follow the sun. Anyone have a problem with this plan? No? Good! Let's move.

Oh, that's right...none of you jerks can fly. Does anybody know how to clear a path through these tree--?

Holy shit!

Alright, mama...you lead, then. Also, if we run into anything that don't like us, you can punch them into tomorrow. Now, lumberjack our way out of this shit, because apparently, I have nothing better to do--

Oh. It looks like we've dislodged some inhabitants of the trees...

They might be adorable, but they don't look happy. Hey assholes, you wanna go?! Let's do it! Biggest mistake you ever made, bitches! Yeah, that's right! Feel the fear, motherfuckers--!

HER?! You're afraid...of HER?!?!?! Oh, fuck you, you bug bastards! Why I ought to--

OWW! OWW! MY EARS! CUT THAT SHIT OUT!

Sand in your face! I can do this shit all day, 'cause there's a shit-ton of sand up in this motherfucker! Just watch me! Pa-FSH! Pa-FSH! That's the sound of your blinding--!

Woo...I feel dizzy all of a sudden...

I BLAME YOU! TACKLE, BITCH!

That's right! Run away! We can do this all night!

So...you're saying we shouldn't do this all night? Ugh, whatever. Let's head back to the clearing if you're worried about wild Pokemon getting the drop on you.

You raise a valid point. Shit's getting creepy out here. But what's so good about the clearing?

You're saying you can you can use the stars to navigate the right path? Okay...you do your astro-bullshit; I'll go take a nap--

Ugh...fine. I'll keep an eye out for wild Pokemon.

...nothing yet.

This is fucking boring! If only I could get someone to do my job for me--

Wait a second...what did the Elekid say about the berry grove?

Hmm...

Hey, wake up, fatty!

I heard you like berries...

That's what I thought. You can't reach all those berries at the top of the tree, though...can you?

What if I got all those berries for you and your friends? Would you like that? All I ask is that you head over to that clearing and eat them there. Any wild Pokemon come by to try to take your berries, you kick their asses. We got a deal?

There's my eager army of hungry idiots! Now come on, I don't have all night!

So Eevee, you got a heading yet? You do? Awesome.

Hey, fatty...you ever eat human food?

No? Well, you're missing out. I heard human food is really tasty. We're probably gonna get us a bite when we find the human town. Too bad we might not make it, seeing as how it's easy to get lost and killed in these woods--

You want to come along and help us get there? That's great--!

What? Oh, of course you can bring Shuckle...whatever the fuck that is.

You know, I gotta say...I'm pretty impressed with myself here. I am the bird that would be king of the Munchlax. Ain't nobody gonna mess with me once they check out my cronies--

So...uhh...that's Shuckle? Okaaaaaaaay...let's go.

It's really dark out there in the woods, so we need to be careful...

...you never know what's out there that may want you to go hungry. But don't worry, we're pretty observant and we're not gonna be caught off guard by just any random--