People Are Fucking Stupid

(POV: Pidgey)

Okay, we have a trainer here that we know--

Clearly, the dumb dog belongs to him, since he's in fucking love with this guy.

What do you want, guy? The other Pokemon? They went up the mountain.  The mountain? The big fucking rock in the sky! LOOK OVER THERE! THEY WENT THERE! THEY WENT UP THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN--!

Dude...where the hell are the other trainers?

...

Of course you can't understand me.  How about this?

(Flies into Kevin's jacket and thrashes about.)

Oh, you understood THAT, didn't you? Yeah...where is he? Where did you come from?

Herne.  He came from Herne! All the other trainers are there! Great! Take us back.

Take...take us back.  TAKE US THE FUCK BACK?!?

Eevee, you try to talk to this guy.

Why are you giving him a leaf? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! You're useless.

Dog! Get him to go back to the town.

Okay...he came from that way? But that's in the absolute opposite direction that we need to go! No, don't follow his scent back! Who knows how long it took him to get out here! Smell us and try to find the scent of our trainers.

Wait, you're leading us back to the FUCKING CLEARING!!!!! I'm not going back to the goddamned--!

Ugh...just follow your stupid trainer's scent.  Yes, I know what I said.  Why the fuck are you listening to me? He's your trainer, you stupid dog! No! Shut up; stop thinking.  If you think, I'm going to hurt you.  Just follow his fucking trail.

And we're FUCKING LOST! Knew it! Called it! I'm a fucking psychic! The dog lost your stupid scent, you lost your own trail markers, and now everyone fucking hates you! Great job there, Kevin! You shit-head.

That's it...I'm fixing this shit right now.

You! Cut down as many trees as possible! You need to make a visible clearing for me so I know where we are with respect to everything else.

That should work.  Okay...up up and away!

Hmm...there's another large clearing that way, but how to make sure we don't get lost...

If only I had some way to make a trail--

Hey! You can make water shoot out of you right? You can! Good! We're going on a little ride...

Oh, stop panicking! We're only a few hundred feet above the ground! Just keep spitting, you fucking baby.

Okay...we're making progress.  All we have to do is--

What is it, girl? Trouble?

We're where?! Well, lead the fucking way! I hope you know where you're going--

HOLY SHIT IT'S THE TOWN! There doesn't seem to be any power anywhere, so who knows if there are any people--

Hang on!

That building over there has power! Everyone, get the fuck over there!

Okay, so somebody knows this guy? He's the local professor? Alright, good! Remember everyone: Pidgey got y'all here when the trainer went full retard.

Hold on...is that--?

Tom...

Yes...I'm glad to see you, too...

...what's that?

Why, yes I do know where the other Pokemon are! Just follow me.

Don't worry, I'll lead you right to them.  You can count on me...