Why Won't You Fucking Die?

(POV: Tom's Pokemon)

PIDGEY:   Somebody get me the fuck out of this thing! I'm stuck! Fucking son of a--

PIDGEY:   Hey! Hey bird! Hey! HEY! Get me outta here! Hey! HEY, DON'T JUST FLY OFF--!

PIDGEY:   Oh, FUCK YOU, buddy! You better hope your ass doesn't get caught in a fucking spider web or some shit 'cause right now I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fucking fire! I'm gonna remember this, buddy-boy! You hear me?!

PIDGEY:   I WILL REMEMBER THIS DAY!!!!

ELEKID:   Hey, Slakoth, Pidgey seems to be making a lot of commotion up there.  Do you think you can try to get him down?

SLAKOTH:   ...I dunno, he's really high up there--

PIDGEY:   You shit with legs! Get me out of here!!

SLAKOTH:   ...okay.

ELEKID:   That's gonna take a while, but I gotta stay here and guard Tom until he regains consciousness.

ELEKID:   Alright, lady.  If you want to throw down, then we're gonna throw down, but lemme just warn you--

ELEKID:  AH! Holy shit! Alright...so everyone is attacking the Vespiquen? Fine.  Let them get their asses kicked.  I shocked the shiny thing; my job is done...

ELEKID:   Man, those Combee look pissed.  I don't think this is going to end well.  Maybe I should try to get another Pokemon out here as back up--I know! If I released Munchlax, he'd probably eat half the hive and throw enough chaos into the mix to distract the bees! Yeah! 

UMBREON:   Hey, umm...so, I'm gonna just heal your trainer if that's okay with you.

ELEKID:  Great.  Keep him covered; I have a plan.  Let's see here, Tom...well, I know he uses the blue one for me and the pink one for Pidgey, which means Munchlax is in...

ELEKID:   ...aw, damn it.

PIDGEY:   Will you hurry the fuck up down there?!

SLAKOTH:   I'm tired--

PIDGEY:   YOU'RE ALWAYS FUCKING TIRED!

ELEKID:   Uh oh...I think the Combee are actually healing the Vespiquen.  Uhh...eenie, meenie, miney...mo! Hey, Vespiquen!

ELEKID:   Are you gonna call off your swarm, or am I gonna have to release him and destroy your entire hive?

ELEKID:   Alright, you asked for it! Go Munchlax...err, how do you work this friggin' thing...GO, MUNCHLAX!

GLIGAR:   Ugghhh...

ELEKID:   Oh god, I am so sorry! Here, get back in the ball!

ELEKID:   Well...uh...you see...MUNCHLAX, WHERE ARE YOU, DAMN IT--!

ELEKID:   Oh! Hey there, sleepy head...CALL OUT MUNCHLAX! CALL HIM OUT NOW!!!