My son...he's here. I've only missed him by a week or so--holy shit, he was this close to having been on the S.S. Anne! If he was, he wouldn't have made it further than Herne before the tsunami hit the coast. I should count my blessings that he's probably riding ahead of the wave of shit that followed in the wake of--
Oh, getting a text...
<<<MR TOM: If you are familiar with holographic simulations, then this news I’m giving you is worse than what you can imagine. I just found out that Zoroark are not only capable of camouflage and speech but also their surroundings. Be careful, discuss with others. --Kevin>>>
Okay, Kevin, that's some good information to--
<<<PS - I’ll be heading to the areas informing everyone of what’s happening until the power is back up. At the daycare center.>>>
...so, you're backtracking. Goddamn it, and I don't see Arturo anywhere either. I hope he stayed with Jess and Clem. If things go south down south, we'll need as much support as we can get--
Oh God, did Arturo run off ahead?! I better go check the gatehouse--oh! And I could ask the guard stationed there if he saw Cole anytime recently! I should probably make a few changes to the team, though, to prepare for what lies ahead in the next route.
Let's swap out Jolteon, Honedge, and Drilbur for some more reliable faces...
...yeah, I think it's about time to bring out the hate-bird again.
Here we go...the Route 7 gatehouse.
Excuse me, do you run trainer I.D.'s or have security cameras to monitor who's been coming and going through this gatehouse?
No? Damn--
The Thousand Wood? That's what's on the other side of the city? Should take travelers a bit of time to get through there then, right?
Uh huh, so right afterwards are the...Cliffs of Victory? Then...Seraph! Okay! I need to send a quick text then. Thank you!
<<<Group Chat (Jess, Arturo, Kevin) - I'm at the southern gatehouse. Meet asap.>>>
Alright, that should do it. Kevin's probably in Hoenn by now, but the others should be able to--
<<<Jess: Just need to get my badge and egg, and I'll meet you. Arturo is with me.>>>
Okay, we got 3 out of 4! I'll take it! I guess I'll wait here until they all arrive...
...where is all that commotion coming from? It looks like two people are arguing something fierce--
Jesus, what the hell happened to that house?!
MAN: How you gonna just kick us out, though! You can't do that!
WOMAN: Look, you've been warned multiple times. Now your Wailord's nearly destroyed half my house. I'm done!
MAN: But I need a Wailord that knows Double-Edge!
WOMAN: As a Pokemon breeder, I reserve the right to deny service to anyone. I'm not having you or your Wailord here anymore to breed with my Skitty. Forget it!
TOM: Holy shit, what dumpster fire have I stumbled across?
MAN: That Skitty is Monstro's partner, though!
WOMAN: I'm its trainer!
MAN: But that's who she breeds with!
TOM: ...everyone get the fuck out here. We're watching a dumpster burn.
ELEKID: What do you need, Pops?
CHINCHOU: Wait...we're all out?
PIDGEY: What the fuck is this--WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
ELEKID: Hey.
PIDGEY: This shit's not fuckin' funny anymore.
VIGOROTH: Thereisalotofyellingovertherewhichisfinebecauseit'snotlikei'mtryingtosleeporanythingIdon'tneedsleep--
PIDGEY: And you need to fucking breathe.
VIGOROTH: Breathingisfortheweak.
HOUNDOUR: What are we doing?
TOM: These people are fighting.
GLISCOR: But their Pokemon are just sort of standing there. Why aren't they battling?
TOM: Apparently, this guy wants a Wailord that knows the Double-Edge attack, but since it needs to be born knowing the move, this breeder offered her Skitty to pair with the Wailord and--
PIDGEY: Pair with the Wailord?! What kind of sick fuck--it's a cat!
HOUNDOUR: Cat?! There's a cat?!?
PIDGEY: For fuck's sake, I'm bigger than a Skitty! I've eaten a Skitty!
ELEKID: What, in the wild? When you were a Pidgey?
PIDGEY: You don't know my fucking life!
HOUNDOUR: I don't see the problem here.
PIDGEY: Look at the size of that fucking Wailord!!!
HOUNDOUR: I can't see it, there's a blimp in the way.
CHINCHOU: The Wailord is the blimp.
HOUDOUR: ...oh, that poor cat.
PIDGEY: If that thing stuck its dick out the water, people would cry "Lapras!"
HOUNDOUR: How does that even--?
CHINCHOU: They're both technically mammalian.
PIDGEY: That doesn't make that shit right!
CHINCHOU: No, it does not.
WOMAN: You need to take your Wailord and get off of my property. Now.
MAN: C'mon, man! She loves that Skitty!
VIGOROTH: THEWHALEISTHEFEMALE?!?
TOM: Oh, that makes sense. Usually, only the males can pass on an egg move. I think I read that somewhere.
HOUNDOUR: I don't feel as bad for the cat anymore.
PIDGEY: I do. Good fucking god, that cat needed to go full Pinocchio.
ELEKID: "Full Pinocchio"?
PIDGEY: It's when you get your wood long and hard...then you get sucked inside of a whale.
GLISCOR: OH GOD, DUDE!
VIGOROTH: HecalledhisWailordMonstroisthatthereferencehewasmakingohgodIfeelsick!
OFFICER: What seems to be the problem here?
TOM: This is gonna get soooo much better now.
WOMAN: Officer, this man refuses to leave my property after I've asked him to leave multiple times and his Wailord nearly destroyed my house!
OFFICER: Sir, is this true--?
MAN: You don't understand, officer! My Wailord and her Skitty are a mated pair! She breeds with that Skitty!
OFFICER: Did she ask you to leave?
MAN: Yeah, but you don't understand, though--!
OFFICER: Then you should leave. It looks like there's pretty extensive damage to the house. I'd be upset, too--
MAN: Officer, just get her Skitty out here and you'll see! You can't just separate them like that! She has a right to visit him!
OFFICER: Sir, this is this lady's house. Ma'am, is this man's name on the building's lease or deed, or--?
WOMAN: No! He's was just a client!
OFFICER: Okay, sir, if that's the case, in the eyes of the law, you actually don't have a right to come here--
MAN: But she loves that Skitty!
ELEKID: Does he understand how the law works?
GLISCOR: I don't believe he does.
OFFICER: May I finish? I don't know what kind of relationship your Wailord and her Skitty have here, so--
MAN: Officer, please have her get her Skitty. You'll see.
WOMAN: Skitty, you want to come here and say goodbye to Monstro?
OFFICER: Looks like the Skitty doesn't really like your whale, sir--
MAN: But she loves him!
HOUNDOUR: He's gonna keep saying that until someone lets him stay here, isn't he?
ELEKID: I mean, it isn't gonna work, but yeah, I think that's his idea.
PIDGEY: You need to let me hit this man. You need to--
TOM: No, no, Pidge...we're just here to watch flames.
PIDGEY: I'm clenching my fucking beak over here! This is stressing me out!
OFFICER: Sir, the house is not in your name, the homeowner asked you to leave, and it doesn't even look like her Pokemon likes yours very much. So, you can leave now, or I can call for back-up and have you removed from the premises. I don't want to do that, and you seem like a smart kid--
PIDGEY: *COUGH*Bullshit!*COUGH*
OFFICER: Which way you want things to go down?
MAN: Can I at least grab my things first?
OFFICER: What does he have here?
WOMAN: He's got his whale's Poke Ball and that's it.
OFFICER: Okay, can you go get his Poke Ball for me please?
MAN: C'mon, man...
OFFICER: You should call in a contractor before taking any legal action, just to make sure you fully assess whatever damages--
WOMAN: Don't worry, officer, I fully intend to. Here's his ball.
OFFICER: Alright. Now, sir...you gonna leave?
MAN: Yeah, I'm goin'. I don't want no trouble.
VIGOROTH: Youcouldhavefooledmeyou'vebeennothingbuttroublesinceyou'vegottenhere.
ELEKID: There's still one thing I don't understand, though.
TOM: What's that?
ELEKID: How could all of this have happened?
TOM: Humans...tend to make things very complicated sometimes--
ELEKID: No, I mean...like, how are we having this conversation? As a Pokemon, you generally just get the gist of what I'm saying because we speak different languages; but now, we're having a fully fleshed-out dialogue.
TOM: Huh...I didn't realize that.
ELEKID: Also, Pidgey just made a Pinocchio reference. I mean, is that even a thing here?
TOM: Good point. That is pretty off the canon, but then again, this entire event is non-canon.
ELEKID: Wait, what?
TOM: Yeah, we tried to sit down to game, but our game-master got into a dispute with his roommate's boyfriend and everyone heard the entire thing over Skype...so basically, this is how that conflict got translated into events that could occur in this world.
CHINCHOU: So wait, this is all some...game?
PIDGEY: We've been a franchise since 1996! How the fuck could you miss that?!
ELEKID: I thought it was 2006--
GLISCOR: Yeah, me too.
PIDGEY: Sure, you think that now, but try to remember back when you were an Electabuzz.
ELEKID: ...oh, wait--nope, Pidgey's right. 1996.
HOUNDOUR: This has been going on for 20 years?!
TOM: I suppose so.
...
...
...
PIDGEY: This was really meta--
VIGOROTH: PokemonSunandMoonreleasesinNorthAmericaonNovember18th.
PIDGEY: Oh shit. Everything's gonna change again.
TOM: Eh, you'll hardly notice it.
PIDGEY: How the fuck could we not notice something like that?!
TOM: Continuity is a fickle thing.
