This Is The Worst Thing

Would anyone in the archaeology department care to inform me as to why the Bed of Jirachi has a room that is covered from floor to ceiling in medieval weapons?

JESS:   This is awesome.

KEVIN:   No.  Hell no.

JESS:   I got it, dad!

KEVIN:   I will still ground your ass.

Anubis, you still helping Arturo move through this place? Because I can't find a door anywhere in here...and I don't particularly want to start feeling around the walls.

I mean, most of these weapons look really old and unusable, but that doesn't mean they won't--

MOVE AND SPROUT EYES WHAT THE FUCK! Vigoroth, you better be feeling better! Shit is going down!


Good god, a lot of folks are getting hit and I can't even see where the attacks are coming from--

ELEKID! Shit, you're bleeding! Something nicked you bad! You can let off a Leer, but you are not staying in this fight; I'll need you for later.

I gotta figure out what's the best plan of attack to take these swords out.  Roses is trying to paralyze them, but Frostbite--

Frostbite just took one out with a Feint Attack and like four other swords dropped! I gotta aim for the ones with eyes...but how are they able to control other swords?

Anubis seems to have caught on; he's beating away the floating swords, trying to get to the one with an eye--

How did that Force Palm go through it?! It's got to be a Steel-type, but if Fighting-type attacks don't do anything...

Vigoroth, use Feint Attack on the one Anubis tried to hit!

I knew it! Vigoroth knocked it clean out, but it phased through the door when it fell! They're Ghost-types--a Ghost/Steel type?!? Why is that even allowed to happen?!

Well, Kevin seems to be throwing a boot-party on the one sword Pokemon with his entire freaking team, but I need to think of how to gain an advantage on these things.  Elekid, return--Wait! I've got it!

Go, Sandshrew!

SANDSHREW:   Yay! I'm here! I--what is this--?

KEVIN:   You see this?! You see this motherfucker?! You see what I did to him?! Who's next!

SANDSHREW:   This is the worst thing!

Hey, there's only one left after Roses drained the life out of that other one, and it's pretty badly damaged from attacks from Anubis and Frostbite.  Vigoroth, Yawn! Sylvester! Throw the damned ball!

You missed! How could you miss? He was eight feet in front of you! Pick it up and do it again!

There we go! An actual hit and it's in the ball! Let's see if it stays.

Wiggle...

Wiggle...

Wiggle...

...caught! You got the bugger! Congrats, now you can contribute with your new...uh...whatever that was.

Guys, this wall is sinking into the floor! I think we needed to wipe these swords out before the door would open to--

...holy mother.  This place...is it--look!

There seems to be some kind of shimmering wall between us and the room.

ARTURO:   We are surely in the inner chamber...

But that would mean...let me check my Pokedex.

POKEDEX:   Jirachi, the wish Pokemon--

Holy shit, it's real! That's the real Jirachi!

ARTURO:   Nobody try to catch it! Don't be a twink!

SYLVESTER:   This is it...this is the Bedchamber of Jirachi.  I never thought I would set foot in here.  I would have never gotten this far without your help.  Thank you...

TOM:   You're welcome, Sly.

SYLVESTER:   Thank you....thank yooouu.

TOM:   You're...you're welcome?

SYLVESTER:   ...thhhnnnk yyyouuuu.

KEVIN:   Goddamn it!

TOM:   What the hell--?!

Gah! Something hit me from behind--Kevin, it got you, too?! What was that thing? What hit us--?

Those things! They phased through the barrier and are attacking Jirachi! But how did they get all the way--?

They followed us! We never bothered to check behind us as we went through the temple! Sylvester must have been the lead guy while they all fell back and followed us, waiting for the time to strike.

We need to get in there to help Jirachi! He's getting savaged! Vigoroth, Brick Break through the barrier!

It...it didn't work! But I thought Tyre told us that Brick Break can be used to break through psychic barriers.  This must be something much more powerful.  Sandshrew, dig underneath and see if we can get under it!

No good, the wall extends down through the floor! Well, we need to think of something! Those sneaky, long haired foxes are tearing Jirachi apart--

Wait a minute...those things could change their appearance...and they look just like the trainer I saw outside of Tyre's house...down by the river--

THESE ARE THE BASTARDS BEHIND EVERYTHING! They released the ghosts and the dogs in Tyre's house, they caused the riots in Isis when they blew up the daycare...everything! It wasn't a team; it was Pokemon...these Pokemon! Maybe not them exactly, but these kinds of Pokemon were the ones who--

...nearly blew my ass up with a Voltorb and punched me in the goddamn mouth when I was trying to evolve my Gligar!

You...fuckers...are...dead!