Nothing Ominous Here...

(POV: Elekid)

...

So...

...does somebody...I dunno...

...WANT TO HELP TOM?! I mean the man just touched Vigoroth and he went out like a light--!

Arturo.  Did you...did you think about it before you threw a ball at him? Or were you just trying to catch Tom in a Poke Ball? 'Cause it looks like you just tried to catch Tom in a Poke Ball.

I mean, at least the Pokemon are being productive here! Soot's trying to use Wish to heal him, and Cali--

Cali, please don't drown him.

Look! We're not exactly somewhere safe, so somebody needs to think of something before Tom--

JESS! What the actual FUCK?! That was not a prompt to kick him in the ribs! He's unconscious and you could have punctured a lung or--

GAH! You could have caught it!! Whatever Tom caught when he touched Vigoroth after he touched that Cofagrigus--

Shit, I think I know what this is.  Just...nobody touch him for a while and he should wake up eventually.

Hopefully.

...none of you can understand a single thing I'm saying, can you--?

TOM!!!

(POV: Tom Cedar)

...ow.

Vigoroth, return.

JESS:   Tom, are you okay? I'm sorry I kicked you...

TOM:   Why...why did you kick me? I was unconscious and--why am I wet?

KEVIN:   Maybe you wet yourself when you blacked out.

TOM:   I did not piss myself, Kevin.  I did not piss myself in the face--also, Jess, why did you tell me you kicked me? That shit...you probably could have gotten away without saying a damn word.  Hell, I had no idea until you--

Yeah, I'll get up.

ARTURO:   Guys, you might want to give us some space.

KEVIN:   Arturo's got control of the situation, but be careful

ARTURO:   ...look, I fucked up, okay? I'm...I'm tired.  I'm tired of losing all the time.  I can't have the luxury of being as flighty as some of the people we've met.

His ass better not be referring to us--

ARTURO:   I lost my brother, and the only way I'll be able to know what happened to him is to get stronger, but no one's willing to help us out here.  Every punk gym leader just tests us and sends us on our way.  It feels like this region has no soul.  I...I said some stuff I shouldn't have...but--

No buts, buddy.  Anubis don't wanna hear buts.

ARTURO:   I failed you as a trainer.  I've treated you as less than what you're worth...but remember, I've beaten you once before--

TOM:   Alright, that's it.  My turn.

 

TOM:   Anubis, here's seven days worth of Pokemon rations and a Great Ball.  I respect your decision and I support you.  If you want to stay here, that's fine.  If you get hurt of get into trouble, you can use that Great Ball.  You'll be sent directly to my PC, you'll be healed of all your injuries, and then I'll release you into the wild wherever you want to go.  Citadel Mountains, Jizo, right back here...you got it.

TOM:   Arturo, you got anything else you wanna say, or are you done?

ARTURO:   ...it's in his hands now.

TOM:   That's what I thought.  Anubis!

TOM:   Thank you for your service.

I have no idea if he understood that was meant to be a sign of respect, but whatever.  Not my Pokemon, not my problem.

Well, he took the rations, but not the ball.  Alright.  Maybe he needs to think about it.

TOM:   You know..."I'm sorry" would have helped.

ARTURO:   Whatever.

...okay.  That's how it is, huh? Not even gonna apologize for calling your Pokemon useless in front of a bunch of other trainers and Pokemon? Just gonna curse him out and then say you "fucked up", then threaten to kick his ass like you did before? Looks like there's a reason why Steven's the Champion of the Hoenn League and you're just some scrub with a credit card and a complex.

We gonna open this door, or what?

...if I didn't know any better, I would say that this big fella in the middle of the room is Jirachi, yeah?

KEVIN:   Hey, Sylvester! What, uh...what can you actually do to help us? You know, not be a total mooch for once?

SYLVESTER:   Well, I don't believe this is the actual bedchamber.  I doubt housing this statue was the sole purpose of this temple.  We should search for another door.

Yeah, I'm gonna let the ruin-nerds handle this one.  I'm gonna catch a little rest against this wall here--

JESS:   Hey Tom, take a look at this! I think Elekid found something.

Of course...alright, what am I looking at here?

Hmm...looks like a stone compartment in the base of this statue...like a drawer--

Hey, would you look at that? A TM for the move Safeguard.  I'll take that--

Remember, I'm making a communal TM drive in the items storage of the PC, so it's not like I'm keeping this all to myself--

Y'all found the next room? Very nice.  Let's go.

Guys...these little terracotta motherfuckers...ten bucks says they're Pokemon.

"Baltoy, the clay doll Pokemon", eh? Nice dexing, Jess--

And they're moving.  Ten bucks to Cedar,  Lapras, get out here!

Sylvester, catch! This is a Great Ball.  Register it to yourself and wait for my signal to throw.  Look for the weak ones--

...just not the one Elekid blew up with that Ice Punch.

Gastly and Sheila seem to be cleaning house nicely, and Nightsun--

Took one's head off.  Why do dragons do these things?

Lapras, pop one of these suckers with Ice Shard! Sylvester, are you paying attention?! Find a weak one and throw it--!

Woah! Lasers?! They shoot lasers?! Why do they shoot lasers?!

Except that one that hit Lapras...he throws rocks.

Looks like Sheila's been taken out, but Juanita's throwing bubbles every which way and we're taking them out faster now.  Lapras, hit that same one again with Ice Shard!

Knockout! Elekid, Ice Punch the one that took out Sheila!

Knoc--no, death.  Probably dead.

Frostbite's Icy Wind took out the rest of them, so I guess--wait!

There's one still standing! Sylvester! That one! Arturo's already had his Gastly confuse it, so throw the ball!

There you go! Direct hit--

Sylvester.  Sly...you gotta hit the button on the front first before you throw the ball.  Otherwise the thing won't open--

And Nightsun killed it.  Well, next time.

SYLVESTER:   I'm sorry.  Nobody really teaches you how to do this kind of thing.

TOM:   Believe me, I know.  Just pick it back up and try again when we run into something else.

It looks like Anubis went straight through this room into the next without so much as engaging these Baltoy, so we should head there next.  Lapras, return--

You look pretty fucked up.  Maybe...

TOM:   Kevin, I have an odd request.

KEVIN:   Okay...?

TOM:   That watery move that Nightsun does with his tail; would you mind having Nightsun beat the shit out of my Lapras with that move for a while?

KEVIN:   ...what?

TOM:   Just once or twice across the face--

KEVIN:   What?!

TOM:   Trust me on this.

KEVIN:   I'll...I'll have him do one?

TOM:   There you go! See? Lapras heals when you do that.

KEVIN:   Alright, well, Nightsun is kind of in danger-mode right now, so it might be safe to just have Juanita use Bubblebeam for a while instead.

TOM:   Awesome.  Thanks.

Lapras, return.

Staircase leading up to a dimly-lit pedestal? Nothing ominous here...

Well, it looks like Anubis has no idea how to get past this, so Arturo, do you want to...I dunno...archaeology around a bit--

Before Jess's Sneasel rips the claws off its fingers trying to slice through the impenetrable stone door?

So, you're saying there are two spherical holes in the pedestal--and evidence of religious fanaticism? Remember when I said there wasn't anything ominous here? Sticking with that--

So, you know, the best thing to do at this point is to run up a dark stairway to the left with Jess without telling anybody what you're doing or knowing what the fuck is up there.  Cool beans, Indiana.

...I'm coming with you.

Arturo said there were circular grooves in the pedestal, right?

So, that glowing orb in this dark-ass room...you think maybe? Maybe just?

This thing is clearly dangerous, though.  Elekid, zip over there and bring it back here, as quick as you can--

Oh, the Sneasel's trying, too? I'm pretty sure Elekid's got the speed on--

What, is this thing glued to the pedestal? They can't pick it up--

JESS:   Do NOT touch that!

TOM:   I wasn't gonna touch it! I'm just looking at it--

JESS:   You almost died back there when you reached for your Vigoroth!

TOM:   Debatable--

KEVIN:   Is Tom trying to touch something?

TOM:   All of you suck.

But Jess, you think if there were two holes in the pedestal, and there were two stairways branching away from the pedestal...there's gotta be another orb, but do you think they need to be lifted at the same time? Arturo, check it out.

Ah ha! He says there's a purple orb in the other room.  Well, if you don't want me touching things, it looks like you're the one who gets to lift it, Jess.

Jess and Arturo, get ready to lift on "three".  Kevin, watch out for anything dangerous that pops up.  Sylvester, practice with your Great Ball.

One...two...three!

JESS:   YEEAOOOOOOOOOWWW!

TOM:   Woah! Okay, what the hell happened?

JESS:   DON'T TOUCH IT OR I WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU!

TOM:   What was it like?

JESS:   It hurts! A lot! Here, hold my backpack open.

TOM:   Okay...here! Drop it in.

TOM:   It's, uh...burning through your backpack.

JESS:   Damn it!

TOM:   Arturo, did you see anything on the walls written about these orbs? Elekid, use Light Screen.  Focus it around my hands.  I may have to pick this thing up, but it looks like it burned through Jess's leather gloves.

TOM:   Arturo!! Was there anything written--?

KEVIN:   Arturo's unconscious!

TOM:   Fucking what?!

Screw this, I'm throwing this thing down the stairs.  I'll worry about fitting it on the pedestal when I get down there--

Ooh, okay, this thing is actually pretty warm.  Okay....HYAH!!

Crap, this thing is rolling down these stairs pretty quickly--SHIT! It's bouncing all the way down to where the Baltoy were! Damn, damn, damn!

KEVIN:   Sylvester thinks these orbs will open the door! Tom, I'm sending the other one down to you!

Shit! I need to stop this thing from rolling before it rolls straight out into the desert--!

Gotcha! Now, I just gotta--yow! Okay, gotta bring this...

...upstairs.  Of course--and it's getting hotter, even with the Light Screen! I gotta move!

Oh, it's hot! OH, it's hot!! Hot hot hot! Getting hot! Very hot! Almost--THERE! It fits--

Damn, here comes the purple one! I wonder what the hell it did to--

Gyugh my god...oh, I feel sick...quick, gotta put...okay!

This certainly seems like the thing I was supposed to do; the balls are glowing and it sounds like a door is opening.

TOM:   Hey Arturo, Sylvester! Y'all want these orbs? They seem to have gone inert...maybe keep 'em as a memento?

Sylvester, you don't want the orange one? Fine, I'll take it.

Jess, have your Pokemon scouted ahead to the next room? They have? Is it clear to go in? I hope we're getting close.  I'm getting real tired of walking right into...

...danger.  Nope.  Nothing ominous here.