Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure: Don't Thank Me, Thank My Backpack

JESS!!! NO--!!

Anubis! You've got Judgment? Alright, no time to hesitate! Go, Gliscor!

Dive down at full speed! Jess is falling! Quick Attack her back up here!

Yes! She's gonna make it to Jess in--!

OOOH...damn...I forgot how strong Gliscor was.

Okay...Jess is unconscious...and pretty seriously injured. I didn't notice how exhausted she was and how much the battles with the wild Pokemon had actually taken a physical toll on her. I better do something fast or she might not wake up--wait! I think I got something that can help!

Oh man, I hope these things work on humans...

She's up! She's okay, guys--!

Take it easy, Jess. Anubis has Judgment. He's fine. Relax--

Hey, Fearless Leader! I know you're all about moving forward, but I'm gonna agree with Arturo on this one: give us a minute to breathe. Jess needs to have a quick drink of water and breathe after that climb out of the gaping maws of death. I know that climb; it's not a fun or easy climb--

Oh, Arturo? The Darumaka are...like...right over there.

Jess, Big-nacio is gonna carry you for a bit until you feel good enough to walk again, okay--?

What's that, Kevin? There's no gusting winds over this next dune? Okay, if you think that's a safer place to rest, then we'll get a move on and take a break over there.

Huh, there's a cool breeze wafting over the sand, and the topography is different from the rest of the dunes. It's almost as if--

There's water! An oasis! Yeah, let's definitely rest there as opposed to here--!

Arturo, I don't think you should be trying to give those little red guys food...and Kevin is super-cautious about them, so you may wish to ignore them for now. After we deal with the Bed of Jirachi, we can see about catching one of them.

Now, this is nice--OH! There's actually water! Lapras, come out and actually have a decent swim!

There we go. That's better, isn't it?

Look, when we get to a sea or something, I'll let you swim around like a maniac, but right now, this is the best I can do...so just kinda deal.

In fact, all of our Pokemon deserve to come out and take a little R&R--

Good idea, Kevin. You call Nightsun out up top that next dune and I'll keep Bagon down here. Give me a sign if you see them getting too close to each other. Let me know how Professor Cherry takes the sit-rep.

JESS: What the hell just happened?

TOM: Well...you were falling into a chasm of toxic, acidic sludge--

JESS: Which one knocked me out?

GLISCOR: I did!

JESS: I'm--I'm not mad...just try not to knock me unconscious next time?

GLISCOR: No promises!

JESS: Okay, good.

I think we're ready to move out here, Kevin! How much further until the bed of--

...Jirachi? Woah. That, uh...that might be--now, I'm not an archaeologist...but I'm just saying...I think that's it. How you doing, Sylvester? Arturo--?

Taking photos. Nice. That's what we need: photos of this barren wasteland and a giant--wait...there are absolutely no Pokemon around here. That's really weird.

Well, it seems like there's only one way in, and it doesn't look like air-support is going to be very helpful in there. Gliscor, return for now.

There's nothing here but this giant statue and a big white boulder. I wonder why there aren't any Pokemon around here--

You want me to point my Pokedex at...everything, Kevin? Expecting an ambush? Alright, I'll whip it out and point it at random directions, just in case.

Well, the white riock isn't a Pokemon, but Arturo looked absolutely obsessed with it--

There are papers attached to the rock? You think they might be wishes or something? This is supposed to be Jirachi's place, after all. Maybe--

ARTURO: Whatever happened here...was not a happy thing.

You got all that from the rock and the papers? What do they say?

"Family"..."Mercy"..."Death"...

...well, that's pretty damned bleak. Maybe Kevin had a point about keeping the Pokedex out--

Hey! Kevin, it's picking up something!

POKEDEX: Golurk, the structure Pokemon--

Wait...that looks like the--

NOT A HAPPY THING! VERY NOT HAPPY THING!

The Pokedex says it's a Ghost/Ground-type? Awesome...so Ice-type, Water-type, and Dark-type attacks! I can manage that! I've already got Elekid and Slakoth out, so I'm halfway there!

Kevin's Pokemon look to be pelting this thing with tornadoes and dust-clouds, but that doesn't seem to be doing too much--

KEVIN! DEE'S GONNA GET POUNDED--!

Yowza, that punch looked like it dented a wing!

Now Arturo's Gastly and Remy are taking shots at it...but the Fissure is too small to consume it. Alright team, let's get into the fray! Elekid, start with a Leer and keep distance! Slakoth, use Yawn! Take is slow. Now, all I need is Lapras and Bagon! GO!

Wait for my signal, then we'll all hit it together...except for you, Slakoth. You're probably going to lay there for a bit.

Good, Kevin! Keep Dee and Chang acting defensively! The Gastly disabled that one punch attack; all we need to do is keep it distracted from a single target--!

Unless that single target can whip up a HUGE Aqua Tail like that one! Good shot, Nightsun--!

What's the Golurk doing now? It's getting very dark all of a sudden--

Good! Nightsun is still up, but whatever that attack was, it sure looked like it hurt--

Now Arturo's two are taking advantage of the opening! Great! Lick and Metal Sound--

And now Ignacio and Anubis are out, too! Alright team, let's use this opening before we lose out on all the fun! Elekid, Ice Punch! Lapras, Water Pulse! Bagon, Bite!

Yes! Direct hits--!

And Bagon..is...gnawing on this thing's head. Well, whatever floats your boat, little nibbler--

YOU RIPPED IT'S DAMN HEAD OFF--?!?!?

WHY IS IT STILL MOVING--?!?!?

Oh...ghost. Right.

Ah, here comes the Dark contingency! Soot's addressing Dee's wounds, Judgment is leering, and Roses is...

...using Thunder Wave?! But that's not gonna work on a Golurk. Why would she--?

Is...is it falling asleep? IT IS! The Golurk is asleep!

KEVIN: Tom, you beautiful man!

TOM: Don't thank me, thank my backpack! The opening is yours, Kevin!

Chang's rushing in...with Brick Break?! But--

And Dee's releasing Swift stars?! Do they not know it's a Ghost/Ground-type?

Oh...because I'm the one with the Pokedex...and I haven't said anything about its typing--GUYS IT'S A GHOST/GROUND! WATER, ICE, DARK, AND GHOST ATTACKS!

Looks like Nightsun knows what to do! Here comes that Aqua Tail!

POW! No more Golurk! And there are our two dragons, standing triumphantly together over its lifeless--

SHIT. KEVIN! NIGHTSUN!

PHEW! Okay, we need to be a little bit more careful about this feud of dragons we got going on here--

Jess...I don't think we killed it, per se. It is a ghost, after all--

Who threw that?

Arturo, you're not gonna be able to catch this thing. It's unconscious. The ball can't detect the weakened brain waves in order to initiate the capture sequence. If you want it, you'll just have to wait until it wake up--

Or, you know...we can bury it in the sand...like Kevin's Pokemon are currently doing.

So Arturo, now that we're not distracted by giant spectral statuary...what can you tell us about this place?

So, this white rock is a meteor and is very important for the Jirachi celebrations? Great, so we are here! Can we head inside?

Door's locked? Okay...well...how do we want to move forward from here?

Why...why are you looking at Sheila like that?

I don't think she'll be able to transform in a key she's never seen before--see? She transformed into the door. I don't think--

No, don't shove the Ditto in the door-hole! I mean, are we adverse to breaking the door down? Because if we're not, then I'd say we break it down, unless someone happens to have the key hidden in their bag or something...

...Kevin?

Kevin. KEVIN. Is that the goddamned key?

Son of a bitch, that's the key. The door's opening--where the hell did you find that?!

"Long story"? Of course it is. I mean, you could tell us if you found that in Tyre's house or something. We're on the same side, you know--

And what the hell do you want with the Golurk's head?!

ARTURO: No! That's fine! Take it! Now you have half a brain between the two of you!

JESS: Arturo--!

ARTURO: NO! He just has to be all Billy Badass over here and just whip that shit out?! You couldn't tell me you had that before we faced down that Golurk?!