Alright, it's morning, I'm rested, and I'm ready to go on a perilous desert adventure that will probably claim my life. Let's do this thing.
Thanks for the gear, Tyre. Let's see what we've got in here...
Two Escape Ropes, a canteen, seven human rations, seven Pokemon rations, and a small utility shovel. Very nice. Thanks, Tyre. I better hit up the Poke-Mart and stock up on a few more things. I think I'll get five Great Balls, and five Potions, just in case.
Damn, I've only got $150 left. At least I don't have to buy a bike--
I NEED TO PICK UP MY BIKE. I'll be right back, guys!
Phew! Good thing I remembered! I wouldn't have been allowed into the Ombos Desert without a bike--
Ah, here we are! Hi, I've got this voucher for a free bike that I'd like to redeem.
What kind of bike? Well, I'll need something good on all terrains--what color? Well...do you have yellow? You do! Great. Do, uh...you don't happen to have decals for the bicycles, do you? Oh...you do?
...could you put a little black lightning bolt on it?
I...I love it. Thank you.
Alright, I better get back--oh wait! I just had a thought!
Professor Cherry! Hi, it's Tom Cedar. Listen, could you do us a favor? We need to compile a list of all the legendary Pokemon out there, specifically ones that wouldn't appear in the Pokedex. Our Pokemon had a sort of encounter and we're trying to do some research on it. Thanks!
Hey guys, I'm back! I'm just gonna pull out my team for the desert run.
Elekid, of course...Lapras...Gliscor...Slakoth...Bagon...and...you know what? Let's get Sandshrew out for a little air. Show him what life is like on Team Cedar. Okay, are we ready to go--?
Oh, Arturo! Before we go, here.
Thanks for the loan. The Move Tutor really made a difference in the gym, so here's the return on that loan...plus interest. Should be $5000 in there.
Before we go, I'm gotta call Erik.
No answer. Oh well. Uh, Hey Erik! It's Tom. We're heading out into the desert, but we don't know where you are. The phones have been a bit iffy lately and we may not be able to contact you. I'll try my best to leave trail markers along the way so you can catch up. Okay, bye!
Okay, I'll just log off the PC--HEY!
Tara finally sent the PokeLure beta formuals!
TOM: Do not give me that face, Jess. This is science.
JESS: You're not a scientist, you're an electrician!
TOM: THAT IS SCIENCE! Besides, I need to work out the kinks.
JESS: Whatever, just don't be stupid.
Alright, Tyre, we're heading off. Thanks for everything--
No Jess, I don't think it's a good idea for him to come with us. If these people are targeting gym leaders, who knows what could happen to him in the desert? It'd be better if he stayed in Kahu and tried to keep order and an eye out for these...I dunno, shadow-people? We gotta figure out a name for these folks.
Okay, so we need to head northeast through the archway until we get to the Bellowing Dunes, then bear north-by-northeast? Alright, let me take these notes down, just in case...because I have no idea why we'd be going north and not south.
Here we are: the gate to the Ombos Desert. This is really happening, isn't it?
OFFICER: Heading into the desert?
TOM: It would seem so.
OFFICER: Well, you've all gotten bikes. Just be careful.
TOM: Before we go, could you take these directions and hold them for a friend of ours? He should be dressed in all black...and he has a Drowzee that is far more formally dressed than he is.
JESS: But if this guy is in all black and has long hair and sunglasses, don't let him pass.
TOM: Do you mean Josh? Why--
TOM: YES. DO NOT LET HIM PASS. HE...DOES NOT HAVE A BICYCLE.
OFFICER: Oh! Well, he's not getting through here without a bike!
TOM: Good thinking, Jess. I am not fond of him, and this is well known.
JESS: Let's set up recon. I'll throw out Roses and you throw out Pidgeotto to keep an eye on us from above.
TOM: I didn't bring Pidgeotto, but Gliscor should do the trick just fine. Elekid, come ride in the bie basket, and Slakoth, assume the backpack position.
TYRE: Good luck, you guys. May you be guarded by Arceus's Extreme Speed.
TOM: Uh...cheers?
Wow...this desert...is vast. Like, this is a really big fucking desert. Wow. Well, at least those cliffs to the east give us a clear border and can help us find our way if--wait, what's that up there?
It's that red Absol! What is it doing out--oh, this means a bad thing, doesn't it? Let's keep our eyes open, shall we?
Well, there really doesn't seem to be much happening out here. Lotta sand, though. There's a whole lotta that. I mean, there's some slight movement far out, but the road is pretty safe. I just wonder when we need to make that turn. I don't see anything out here apart from--
Hey, it's a Pokemon! It looks like that little crocodile that those bike thugs had--
And there's another! A little cactus dude! Looks like Jess and Arturo are tackling those two; I wonder if I can find a Pokemon for myself--
CAMEL! FIRE CAMEL OF DEATH! MY NIGHTMARES! NO! LAPRAS, GO! DEFEND ME!
LAPRAS: ...you called me out...in a desert? You hate me, don't you--?
WATER PULSE NOW OR WE'RE ALL DEAD!
LAPRAS: AH GAHD!
NUMEL: Huh--?
WE DID IT!
Okay..., maybe it wasn't as dangerous as I had thought. Lapras...return.
Look, Jess...the Dream World was not fun for me. Hey, it looks like Arturo caught his cactus already. Slakoth, help Jess and Murk out and Yawn at the croc!
Cool! Great job, Jess--!
You're naming it...Destruction?
JESS: Deal with it.
Fine...go get your ball. Kevin's getting antsy because we aren't moving forward--wait, what' that in the sand--?
That little shit just clawed Jess in the back while she was reaching for her Poke Ball! Gliscor, descend! Swoop down, pick up that little bastard and drop his ass on the road!
Now that I can see what we're dealing with...Gliscor! Brick Break down on this mole!
KA-POW! That's how you do it, girl--!
Okay, you can take that claw to the face! No worries! Roses, Sheila as Roses, and Arturo's Gastly are joining in on the fight now!
Sheila used...Thunderwave? Come on, this thing has got to be a Ground-type. That's not gonna cut it--
But a Peck would! Man, this thing is hurting something fierce. Let's nab this sucker and be done with it. Great Ball, go!
POW! Direct hit and--wow, okay, he's caught! Cool! And this is a...
...Drilbur? Okay! I caught Drilbur! Don't worry, Jess, I'll get him to apologize for that slash.
KEVIN: Are we done? Yeah...we're done.
Told you...antsy. Fine, let's get a move on. I think I see something further down the road. That might be the archway we're looking for...but it's shiny...and red--did someone drive a car into the desert?! Kevin, let's cycle over there and check this out. I think these people might have engine trouble or something. There's definitely someone in the car, waving to us.
Wow, that's a really nice car! Convertible, too! Don't know why this guy'd bring a convertible into a desert, but this thing is looking pretty sweet--Jess, what are you saying?
JESS: I SAID HE'S SHOOING YOU AWAY, YOU IDIOT!
Why would he want to shoo us away--
OH DEAR GOD ROSES WHY?!
GMMPH! D'AHHH, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!
Son of a bitch, I can't feel my legs. Jess, why did you have Roses Thunderwave me?! I wasn't--
WHY IS MY BIKE SINKING INTO THE EARTH?!? ELEKID! HIGH ALERT!
ELEKID: Roses! What the hell did you do that for?!
ROSES: I saved his life!
ELEKID: HOW?!?!
ROSES: ROSES!!!
ELEKID: What were you saving him from--?!
ELEKID: Oh shit, those are Gible.
Frostbite? Ignacio? Fros--Frostbite again??? SHEILA! What the hell are they running towards?! Why did Arturo make his Snorlax run? Snorlax should not run. Elekid, use your judgment!
ELEKID: Ice-time, motherfucker!
SHIT! Elekid just froze something burrowing through the ground--oh THAT'S what Jess was trying to warn me of!
JESS: Idiot!
Here comes Anubis now! A deep, driving sweep into the dirt, and he popped up--
A Gible?! Oh shit, GIBLE! There's another one coming straight for us, and there's two circling the car, along with...
...a Diglett? And it looks like it's helping drive off the Gible. Way to go, little dude!
Now Chang's in the fray, and he's kicking up a storm, too...
...and poor Ignacio, running his fat little heart out, holding his fingers out--
EVERYONE HIT THE DECK--!
And he...disappeared? Oh...kay?
The Gible are starting to kick up little sandstorms all over the place, just like in the Isis Gym. We gotta take these guys out quick. Chang's getting buffeted something fierce--
KEVIN: Tom, a little help here?
Elekid, go! Do what you do best, you frosty murder-factory! Take them out!
No! The little Diglett is knocked out! Now he's...getting called back...into Kevin's Poke Ball?? When the hell did you catch a Diglett?! People are just catching shit left and right and I don't know a damn thing about it--
And Arturo just caught that Gible that's been fighting Anubis. Well, that's one way to get rid of them!
Sheila and Frostbite seem to be cleaning house rather nicely, and Roses just teamed up with Anubis to take out another--
JESUS, ANUBIS! I...should we really be killing these things this viciously--??
And Elekid just blew another one up. Alright. I guess this is just something I'm gonna have to deal with. We've only got the one left. I think we can take care of it. We just need to--
IGNACIO?!? Where the--where the fuck did he come from?! Did he just materialize out of a shadow dimension?!? ARTURO, WHY DO YOU KEEP LETTING HIM USE METRONOME?!?
Okay, car dude, it's safe--GUH! My legs...they're still seizing up. Roses, I swear...
So, Sylvester Thompson, is it? You're lucky we came along when we did. It doesn't look like you've got any Pokemon of your own; what the hell are you doing out here in the desert?
You're an archaeologist--?
And Arturo is losing his mind. Awesome. You said you were looking for a temple? Well, if you're in need of an escort, I got the feeling that we're headed in the same direction.
Oh, a Paralyze-Heal! Thanks, I need that. Fucking crow--JESS! Next time you want to get my attention, please don't paralyze me while I'm propelling myself forward at a high velocity. Just yell louder...and faster...because me running into danger...that might be a pattern.
So, you're originally from Herne, Sylvester? We know the place. You got an interest in legendary Pokemon, then, if you're trying to find what I think you're trying to find?
Ah, so you've been to Hoenn and studied their legendary golems?
ELEKID: OOH! I know them! I met them! They--shit, he's gonna ask me if I want to use the phone again. I know! I'll draw their faces in the sand!
I don't know much about them, but you say they're nearly impossible to locate--Elekid, what the hell has gotten into you?
ELEKID: OH COME ON! I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! I'VE SEEN THEIR FACES! LOOK OVER HERE!!!
Hey, that reminds me, I should leave a trail marker for Erik when he gets to this part of the road. Thanks for the reminder, little buddy!
ELEKID: DAMN YOU, TINY STUBBY FINGERS! AND LACK OF WRISTS!
Guys, Sylvester says we better get a move on. It's gonna start getting late soon and this is Golbat country...which I TOLD YOU was gonna be an issue at night. We just better find that archway soon or we'll--
Oh, there it is. how the hell did I miss that? Oh well...onward? There's no use in worrying about the damage to the car now, Kevin; our priority is getting out of the open before darkness falls.
I just...need to pull my bike out of this land-shark trench...and..good, no damage!
AND HE'S SPRINTING INTO THE DUNES! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
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