Thursday, January 10, 2013

I Am Not A Cop-Killing Pedophile


Yeah...I don't think I needed to be in those mines any longer than I was.  Besides, now I've got some time to myself to get ready for that battle for Pinsir.  Say Professor, do you have a machine hear that can heal Pokemon--?

There sure are a lot of cops here.  What's going on?

Right, Wallace is here.  Good; I'm glad the cops are here to question his ass.  I don't know what happened out there in the bay, but I know what I saw and someone needs to be held culpable.  It's such a sad state of affairs.  Really, what could have been done to prevent something like this? You could feel safe, take every precaution you can in your daily life, and you never know what one individual could do to utterly disrupt or destroy so many lives.  I mean, how many business owners lost their stores because of this tsunami? How many people were injured or killed? How many trainers have lost their Pokemon? Well, we were lucky that our Pokemon came back, but what about the others--?

Wait a second...

Professor, have there been many other trainers that came through here that still haven't found their Pokemon?

What about a little boy, probably around nine years old, wears a blue hat, trains a Blitzle?

...shit.  He lost his Blitzle after the wave hit and he hasn't found it yet? Which way did he go?

Alright, I'm off to Route 3, then! Let's hope he didn't get too far--


Woah!

Okay...I'll wager he didn't get too far.  The cops seem to be holding this place down tight, but I wonder if he's in this crowd--


Hey there he is! Hey--!

Wait.

Wait.

Hold on.

I am a thirty-seven year old man in a tan trench-coat, attempting to engage an unattended nine year old boy in a conversation, in front of a small squad of police officers.  I need to be tactful here.

Hey kid, how're ya doing? Say, I never actually introduced myself.  I'm Tom.

John? Well, it's nice to actually meet you, Johnny.  I heard from Professor Cherry back in Herne that you were having a little Pokemon trouble.  Maybe I can help?

Hmm...so the police shut down Route 3 and they aren't letting people check the woods neighboring the route for their Pokemon? That's pretty rough.  Listen, my Pokemon all found their way back to me in a pretty spectacular way, and they managed to bring some wild ones along with them that helped them.  Pokemon are really smart and resourceful when they need to be, so I'm sure your Blitzle is out there and is just fine.  Hey, do you know if there's a kind of food or smell that your Blitzle likes? Maybe we can draw him out of the wild and you can put him back in his Poke Ball.  Let's talk to these cops to see if they'll let me help you out.


Excuse me officer, I know you aren't letting people come through, but I was wondering if you'd let this kid check for his Blitzle in the nearby woods if he had some adult supervision.

...

...

...did I just ask this cop if he was going to let this little boy wander into the woods with this random older man in a trench-coat?! This isn't going to end well.

No, I'm not trying to cause trouble, sir--

Sir, if you'd just--

Sir! The kid's just trying to get his Pokemon back! I mean, come--

WOOAHHH!

[Stumbles and falls on police officer]

Oh my God, I am so sorry--

Shit! Officer, your gun is out of its holster! It's on the ground over there--

No, I'm not trying to grab it--!


GAH! HOLY SHIT! NO! NO--!

OWW! DAMN IT!

Officer! I swear I wasn't trying to grab your gun--!

Look, do you have a kid? You do? Well, is there anything you wouldn't do for your son? You see, I don't know where my son is...my wife up and left me some years back, took my kid away, and I haven't seen him since.  This kid reminds me so much of my boy Cole; we connected over a Pokemon battle and he's out here all by himself, trying to become a Pokemon trainer, and the boy lost his Blitzle.  I'm just trying to help the kid out, you know? It's a hard enough life as it is.  I mean, just look at him...

Wait...where the hell did he go? Oh God, where did he go?!

PIDGEY!


There's a boy out there somewhere and he could end up getting hurt! I need you to fly up and find him! Yellow shirt, blue hat: go!


You see him?! Where?! Take me there--!


Please tell me he's not over there...


John! What were you thinking?! What is going on over here--?


Woah, would you look at that little guy! Well, that isn't so bad--


Oh...okay, it's a little more serious than I thought.  Officer, get your Growlithe out.  Time to make an introduction...


Gligar! There's no time to explain! My name is Tom, I'm your trainer, you're my Pokemon, we have to save a child, so attack those white little tree weasels!

Yeah, kick the shit out of them! We are rescuing a child! Let the good karma flow through you--!


Wait, that bolt didn't come from one of the tree weasels...


Blitzle! Hey, we found him! Now let's finish off these weasels!

Officer, you can catch the one over there if you'd like.  I need to have a word with John.

...

...

...

John, what the hell were you thinking? I didn't go over to talk to the cops so that you could sneak off.  You could have gotten yourself killed without your Blitzle there with you! I mean, don't you have any other Pokemon with you?

No? Well, surely you have some Poke Balls so you can catch some Pokemon?

...you can't afford any...because you haven't been able to win any battles...because you only have the one Pokemon.  That's a dangerous loop there, kiddo.

Wait a moment...this is it.  This is why Kevin gave me that Poke Ball.  I have to pay it forward.

Hey kid...catch.


D'ahh, don't mention it, kid.  If you want my advice, catch a Flying-type; they're weak to Electric-types, and they're great in a pinch if you need to find something or someone.  Take it easy...and don't run off like that if it's unsafe, okay?


Say, is that Hitch? That means the trainers are back from the mountain! Alright boys...let's do this.  I'm sure Pinsir is getting impatient...

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