Now...I'd like to say that after being forced out from my ball and almost drowning in that tidal wave that apparently happened, I woke up gently to the sound of gentle wind in the grass and soft music.
I'd like to say that...but it isn't fucking true...
...because THIS SACK OF SHIT FUCKING SLAPPED ME UPSIDE THE HEAD! I'm looking up at him like, "What the fuck, dude?", and all he says is "Wake the fuck up!" Excuse me?! EXCUSE ME?!?! Did you just fucking slap me upside the head while I was unconscious?!? DID THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPEN?!?!?
It's Go-Time, bitch! Sand in your mother-fucking face!
GAH! What the fuck was that?!? This shifty-ass eel just discharged a wave of fucking electricity and now my body don't work so well.
Here's some more sand for your fucking eyes, you piece of--
Where did he go? Where the fuck did he go?! Oh shit...wait!
AH HA! FUCK YOU, SNAKEY! YOU CAN'T GET TO ME UP HERE!!!!
Actually, where the fuck am I? Let's take a peak a little higher up--
...oh that's not good. That's not good at all. Shit. I--
Is that blue mother-fucker trying to climb that tree to get me? What a fucking asshole! I'm not even in that tree anymore! Well, here's a fucking tackle with your name on it, shit-head! BOOM!
Now to finish you off with--
What the fuck are you doing? Why are you hitting that tree? Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? Shouldn't you be--
OH SWEET HOLY FUCK THE TREE IS FALLING DOWN ON TOP OF ME! FUCKING EVASIVE MANEUVERS RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!
You shifty little shit! I ought to blind you for that little stunt! Get out from behind those leaves, you fuck-head! I--!
ACK!
Okay...you didn't have...to leap out...immediately...squeezing...my lungs...can't breathe...blacking...out...
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