Tom...I Got This

Damn, another fork.  Okay, we can go to the left, or we can go straight ahead.

JESS:   Well, we went right the first time, yeah? So we should go...left?

TOM:   Going right the first time doesn't mean we now have to go left.  If anything, they say the surest way to get through a maze is by only turning in one direction at every intersection until you've traced the interior wall all the way to the exit.

JESS:   Well, I say left because there's someone coming at us from the path straight ahead.

GUY:  Hey there, folks! You waiting here for the show?

JESS:   What show?

GUY:   Well, we're expecting another collective soon.

TOM:   A collective?

GUY:   Ah...tourists.  Every now and again, Lunatone and Solrock gather in a huge assemblage just above a clearing in this forest.  We have no idea why the convergence occurs, but it's quite the sight to behold!

JESS:   I wouldn't say we're tourists, we're just on our way to Seraph.  Did you come from there?

GUY:   Sure did! If you're looking to go there yourself, you're gonna want to head southeast, walking right along the Cliffs of Promise overlooking the tournaments.

JESS:   Thanks! Alright then, let's keep going straight!

TOM:   See? I figured we'd be able to get through here so long as--

TOM:   Goddamn it.  Too many forks--

What is that crashing sound--?

There's something coming right for us! Elekid, get out here!

MAN'S VOICE:   GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!

Never need to be told twice--!

Woah, that thing is massive!

POKEDEX:   Torterra, the continental Pokemon.

MAN:   Good job, Aoki.

JESS:   Are you...are you okay?

MAN:   Yeah, we're alright.  Spent three days in this forest trying to find a source of the psychic energy, but no luck.

TOM:   Psychic energy?

MAN:   Whatever's causing the Lunatone and Solrock to gather here from time to time.  I'm Jack, by the way.

JESS:   I'm Jess, and this is Tom.

JACK:   Nice to meet ya--

<<POKE>>

JACK:   Hey!

JESS:   I think he's clean, Tom!

TOM:   Jess...I know this is what we talked about doing back in Mastam, but we can't just poke the nice people in the woods and then say "I think he's clean".

JESS:   I don't want another Sylvester situation.

TOM:   Neither do I! We just need to be more tactful about this kind of shit.

JACK:   ...you ain't from around here, are ya?

JESS:   Well, I'm from Herne, but Tom's all the way from Kanto.

JACK:   Y'all sticking around for the convergence?

TOM:   Everybody wants us to see this damn rock thing--

JESS:   Are you a breeder? Is this your Torterra? Can...can I pet him?

JACK:   Sure.  I'm no breeder, but I've had this big lug for a while.

JESS:   What's all that on his back?

JACK:   He's got his own ecosystem up there, so there're a lot of Pokemon who love to live on his back.

TOM:   He's got Pokemon on his back?! How many?

JACK:   In total, five.  Why? You itchin' to battle?

TOM:   ...I might be.

JESS:   Tom...double battle?

TOM:   I'm down.  Elekid, you down?

ELEKID:   Tom...you have no idea how much I got this.  I got this soooooo hard.

TOM:   Alright, let's do this.  Elekid, you're up.

JESS:   Sheila, go!

JACK:   Great! You made eye-contact...means you can't say no.

TOM:   So, you're leading with your Torterra and--?

JACK:   Never said that.

Woah! The trees on its back...they've sprung to life! Wait, those were never trees...

Those were Pokemon! He's got all tree Pokemon--

...he's a fucking lumber Jack.  I hate my life.  So, we got spooky tree and coconuts up first.

Looks like Jess wants to swap out Sheila for Frostbite.  Fair.  Elekid, do you--?

ELEKID:   Tom...I got this.

TOM:   Alright.  Ice Punch the spooky one.

Good fucking god! That was a critical hit!

ELEKID:   This...this is what I got for ya.

Frostbite seems to have the same idea; Icy Wind against the Exeggutor is a great way to--

Get a stomp to the face and nearly fucking die.  Not, uh...not built too sturdy, those ice-cats, huh?

Another Pokemon is jumping off the Torterra's back! Elekid, get ready--

...bananas?

ELEKID:   Tom.  BRO.  I've never had anything more in my life.

TOM:   ...punch it.

Fuck me crooked, bananas is down, too! You are a frosty wrecking machine! Frostbite, how're you--?

Where did it go? Sneaky little devil, you can never--

Ah ha! Got behind it with a Quick Attack and is hiding on the tortoise's back--!

But if it can't find the Sneasel, that means it going to attack Elekid!

That psychic barrage looked like it hurt a LOT.  Hang in there, buddy! We're almost out of the woods! Frost up and pina colada this dopey bastard!

Solid hit, but he's not down?! Coconuts is a bulky fella, but that should be enough for Frostbite to handle now--

And there he goes! Through the legs of the mighty arbor with a swift Metal Claw! We've only got two Pokemon left to clean up, and I know one of them is that Torterra, so Elekid should be fine--

LOOK OUT!

Frostbite and Elekid took a direct hit! I didn't know a Torterra could slough off a massive chunk from his back and throw it at its enemies! I can't even see them under all the rubble--

Shit, Frostbite is out cold, and Elekid looks like he's on his last legs.  That Torterra is a huge hitter if he can hit both of our Pokemon like that.

ELEKID:   I may no longer have this.

Maybe that rock slab wasn't sloughed off...maybe it was thrown off! But what kind of tree can throw rocks like--?

...I remember seeing this tree.  This isn't a tree at all, it's a damn Rock-type--

Jess called out Soot, but here' s the problem: Electivire can hit this Sudowoodo with Break Break and that'll be the end of that, but this Torterra is a Ground-type, and a hard hit from an Earthquake while Elekid is so weak would probably seriously hurt him.  He could wreck this tortoise with an Ice Punch, but I don't think Soot could take out the Sudo before it bops Elekid into last week.  I gotta swap him out if I want to keep him even remotely healthy in case of an emergency...but out of who I've brought, who can easily take on a Rock-type and a Grass/Ground-type simultaneously--?

Of course! Elekid, return! You've done extraordinarily.

Go, Gliscor!

Gliscor's out just as Soot releases a blinding Flash! Perfect timing for a swap--!

AHHH! OKAY!!! EARTHQUAKE...WAS...A FACTOR!!!!!

It didn't hurt Soot too much, but Gliscor is well above it!

And the Sudowoodo went after Soot...but it doesn't seem to be attacking.  Just kinda...stopping him.

SUDOWOODO:   Hey.

SOOT:   ...heyy--

SUDOWOODO:   Where you going?

SOOT:   Umm...I was just going--

SUDOWOODO:   No...

SOOT:    ???

SUDOWOODO:    ...you gonna stay right here, bish.

I don't like what this looks like.

Anyway, the Torterra's ours! Gliscor, dive right at Aoki and rip him to shreds with Acrobatics!

Like a lawnmower! Leaves and branches are flying everywhere! Great! Now, get outta there! Quick dive in, quick dive out!

Okay, the Sudowoodo...is confused? Great!

...confused in more ways than one, if you ask me, but--

Just barely dodging that Giga Drain from Torterra! I knew that Flash would work out wonderfully! Jess, how are you and--?

Just...so many rocks on that Umbreon.  Dozens...too many, if you ask me.

Okay, Gliscor, I want to test out your newly-developed acrobatic skills.  Hit the Torterra, then pull a U-Turn right back and into your ball!

Pow! Solid bounce off of the turtle's face, easily evading its Bite attack, and right back into the ball! Gliscor, you're doing a bang-up job, but we need to let someone else stretch their wings.

Pidgeotto, go!

PIDGEY:   Okay, I'm here.  What're we doing? That cat fuck that whale or what--?

PIDGEY:   FUCK me! You tried to eat me?! You are a motherfucking tree! I am a bird! We live in your bodies--

PIDGEY:   WE SHIT ON YOU!!

The hate is released upon the Torterra--!

That...that was one hit.  That was one hit and the planet shook from that thing hitting the ground.  I don't even--

PIDGEY:   Fuck trees.

SUDOWOODO:   Oh shit, what the fuck--OW! My own face!

JESS:   Soot, return! Go, Roses!

ROSES:   Roses!!

PIDGEY:   I don't remember liking you.

Thunder Wave! Jess, that's brilliant! I used that same technique against some kid's Venipede! Paralyzed and confused at once! But, now we have two Flying-types against a Rock-type.  We should be careful.  Pidgeotto, use Sand Attack!

Hey look, Sudo's trying to throw a rock at Roses! Good luck with all of those status ailments--

Huh.  It doesn't seem to be fully paralyzed...

And hey, it's still a little dizzy, but it seems pretty focused on Roses...

And that rock he threw doesn't appear too far off it's target--oh goddamn it, we did everything--

EESH, that hit waaaay too hard! We need to get creative and take this thing out yesterday!

Night Shade! Of course, it's guaranteed to hurt it, regardless of typing!

Shit, Pidgeotto only really knows Normal-type and Flying-type moves, and that's not going to do anything to that Sudo.  Even Frustration will be weakened tremendously.  If only Pidge knew a move strong against Rock...I wish he had a Fighting-type, 'cause he's not about to shoot water out of himself anytime soon, or sudden shoot leaves out of--

Torterra's sheared foliage! If Prodiga can turn Sandstorm Steel-type by changing composition, I can use these to turn Gust Grass-type! Pidgeotto! How'd you like to be the first every Pidgeotto to perform Razor Leaf?

PIDGEY:   Hey, tree-fuck.

SUDOWOODO:   Yeah?

PIDGEY:   What's your name?

SUDOWOODO:   Jeff.

PIDGEY:   Jeff?

JEFF:   Yeah?

PIDGEY:   ...I'mma beat you half to death with your friends body parts.

It's working! That seemed to have hit the Sudo hard! And it looks like it's locking up in paralysis! We bought ourselves some more time!

Another Night Shade! I think that brings him into range! Pidgeotto, make hate on his face!

We have broken the rock-tree.  We have actually broken it--with a bird!

And Pidgey is continuing to peck at the lifeless rock that fell off the Sudo with a heated fury.  Maybe I'll just...let him do this...for like, however long he needs.

JACK:   Ha haha ha! Wow! Well done! They can't say it, but I speak for trees, and that was well done! I'm gonna need to head to the Pokemon Center in Mastam to heal these guys up before I keep on searching for...nah, it's probably not even here.

JESS:   What's not here?

JACK:   Well, one theory as to the source of the psychic energy that draws the Solrock and Lunatone here? It says that there's supposedly a shrine to Celebi in this wood, but it must be pretty well hidden if I couldn't find it.

JESS:   Tom! Once we regroup with the others, we should find that shrine! Thank you for the battle, Jack!

JACK:   Anytime--oh, and here! Your winnings.

$6000 apiece?! Maybe I should have gotten into jacking lumber after I got laid-off!

JACK:   If you're even in the area again and want a rematch, give a shout to the tree-line! Take care now!

TOM:   "Give a shout the the tree-line?" ...the fuck?!

JESS:   Holy shit, that was hard.

TOM:   I suppose I did have a bit of an advantage in that last battle.

JESS:   If we keep going at this rate, we're gonna need to double-back to the Pokemon Center...but we need to keep going forward.

TOM:   You know, I was up there with you, the whole moving forward thing, right up until he mentioned a shrine to Celebi?

JESS:   Tom--

TOM:   If Celebi turns out to be anywhere as helpful, or...you know, as real as Jirachi, that might not be such a bad thing to have in the--well, the possible fight against Mewtwo--if Mewtwo is the one behind all of this.

JESS:   That's not a bad point.

TOM:   We'll keep an eye out for this shrine as we go through, but if we don't find it, we'll just join up with the rest of the group, tell them about it, and go out back into the woods in full explorer mode.

JESS:   ...

TOM:   ???

JESS:   ...so are we going left or right?