STOP THROWING ROCKS AT ME!

Fantastic.  I'm lost.  Gliscor, get out here and try to find those power-lines--

Where, umm...where did those trees come from--?

On second thought, nope.  Running.  Running very fast and far away--

GAH! NO! HELL NO! EVERYONE GET OUT HERE!

Alright, tree-bastards!

If you wanna go...

...then we'll go!

BRING IT ON!

...

...

...

And they fled.  Awesome.  Just goes to show that if you really--

GAH! Who is throwing rocks now?!?

No.  I'm not playing around anymore.  Lapras! Chinchou! Water Pulse and Bubble!

EAT IT!

Great! Everybody back in the balls except Gliscor.  Gliscor, you find those high-tension wires!

Oh...they're...they're right over there, huh? Great.

I can't see any sparks in the daylight.  Maybe...Slakoth, go!

Slakoth, can you see any Joltik up there?

I'm guessing that's a no, huh? Well, so much for using Yawn to knock them off--

That's it! Gliscor! Use Knock Off on the power-line! Bring a few down!

Good hit! There are a few coming--

Shit, there's a lot of--

AHH, THEY'RE IN MY HAIR! GET OFF! GET OFF! OWW! JEEZ! AHH! OFF!

Really should have thought this one through...

Slakoth, use Yawn on the closest one!

Such a trooper...

It's asleep, and the fall should have done some damage.  Poke Ball, go!

Hit!

Stay in there...

Damn, it broke! Okay, it's still asleep, though, so that's something.  Gliscor, use Poison Sting on that one over there!

Hurry, they're all scurrying away!

Youch, that got 'em good! Now, Slakoth, use Yawn again!

Why is it still awake? It should have fallen asleep by now--

Of course! Look at the way it's moving...Gliscor poisoned it.  This may be my best chance.  If the Poke Ball wasn't enough, I have one Great Ball left.  Go!

Boom! Nailed it!

Wiggle...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

Huzzah!

Quick, now Poison Sting this one before it wakes up!

Another solid hit!

Kevin, this one's for you.  You've only given me the one engraved Poke Ball to catch a Joltik with, so here's to hoping! Poke Ball, go!

Another hit!

Come on, now...

Don't you do it...

Awesome! Let's get the hell out of here--!

Jesus Christ! Bob and weave, guys! We're leaving now! Slakoth, back in the ball! Go! Go! GO!

Get out of my way, stupid-ass deer!

The road! We've made it back--!

Wow...this, umm...this is a lot more overrun with wild Pokemon than I remembered.

The gatehouse is just about a hundred yards away.  I can't sprint through the rubble and I'm practically a walking case for the I.C.U. after all the damage I've taken from various different sources.  If only I could just fly over--

Tom, you brilliant idiot, you!

Gliscor! I know you can't fly, but can you glide if I got a running--?

What the hell am I even thinking here? Am I really contemplating gliding over a jagged trench of rocky death, filled with Pokemon that probably want me dead, on nothing more than a Gliscor who hasn't proven yet to be able to carry my weight and fly?

Well, what do you think, girl?

GLISCOR:   Well, shit...I don't know.  I mean, I can fly and stuff, but this is a lot of pressure and I don't want to get us killed.  I'll do it, and I think it's our best shot, but I dunno, Tom...

Hey...we'll be fine.  If I get knocked out, you keep going.  You carry my body to the gatehouse and you get help.  Do you understand?

Okay...grab my wrists.  We're gonna get a running start and I'm gonna leap from crag to crag.  All I need from you is to glide me over in the direction I'm jumping.  Got that? Pidgey, you better get back in your ball.

Well...here goes nothing.

I'M GOING TO REGRET THIS!!!!

We're off! This is actually working--!

Oh, come ON ALREADY!!!!

GAH!

EVERYONE STOP THROWING ROCKS AT ME!!!!

We're almost there, girl! Just keep going--!

Pidgey? What...what are you doing out of your ball?! How did you--?!

Pidgey, stay in my jacket! You're not healthy enough to fly yet--

Pidgey's slipping, Gliscor! I have to grab him! Switch your grip from my wrist to my shoulder in 3...2...1...now!

Got ya, Pidg--OW FUCK!

You bit me! What the fuck, bird--?!

OW! FUCKING STOP IT!

Son of a bitch bird--!

There's the gatehouse! Brace for landing!

OOF!

We...we made it...

Pidgey...

Get.  Back.  In.  The.  Ball.

Gliscor, just stay with me until we reach the nearest Pokemon Center; they got a pillow and an IV full of painkillers there with my name on it.

Unexpected Consequences

This was a dumb decision.  Really dumb.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  I'm gonna fall off this mountain and I'm gonna die.

The view is real nice, though.  Just...let's make sure we don't see it from a plummeting perspective.

Say, we are pretty high up, and if Gliscor's up there looking about, it couldn't hurt to let out another pair of eyes.  Pidgey, go!

Pidgey? You, uh...you don't look so good.  Gliscor, bring Pidgey up to me!

What's the matter, little guy? You sick?

JESUS! Hitch, do you have any idea what the hell is going on here with Pidgey?

His heart-rate is through the roof? And he's awfully fussy...are there diseases that Pokemon can catch that might cause this sort of behavior? And why is he pruning and plucking out his feathers frantically?

Maybe this is a psychological thing? It seems more behavioral than biological.  What could have caused this?

I didn't see him eat anything weird.  We haven't faced a Poison-type Pokemon in battle, so he can't be poisoned.  Could inhaling Lapras' Mist have done something? I feel fine, and the Whismur didn't seem very disturbed by it.

Maybe it was something with the riots in Isis? No, he wasn't out of his ball then.  Maybe in Tara's Combee hive there was something he got into.

People were throwing around theories about psychic Pokemon screwing with people's heads.  Maybe this is because of a Psychic-type.  But, I've only encountered them in the Earthen Cavern, and I don't recall--

What's that noise?

Must have been my imagination.  Anyway, what could Pidgey have been exposed to that would--?

SWEET FANCY CHRIST!

WOAH! Is something throwing rocks at me?!

Son of a bitch! It's a Bagon! Gliscor! Hit that thing hard with a Quick Attack!

Wow, what a hit!

And it tumbled down to our level! Now's my chance! Great Ball, go!

Direct hit! Granted, it was right at my feet, but no matter!

Wiggle...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

I CAUGHT HIM! I REALLY CAUGHT HIM! DID YOU SEE THAT, CYTHOS?!

I HAVE CONQUERED THE DRAGON!!!!

Hah! I didn't think it would be so easy! Sure, I had to climb all the way up to the top of a mountain to find one, but he just came to me! I didn't even need to use any of the PokeLure--

OH FUCK ME CROOKED!!! IT HAD TO HAVE BEEN THE POKELURE!!!

Oh, dear God, what have I done?! The chemical must been wreaking havoc on Pidgey's system! This is  terrible--!

JESS! Holy shit, she was trying to call me about it! What the hell did she do?! Oh, fuck me! FUCK ME!

We gotta get the hell out of here, Hitch!

Professor! Professor Cherry!

I need to heal up my team.  Also, I might have seriously fucked up my Pidgey.  Could you take a look at him?

Yeah, I know he's really agitated and his vitals are way off.  I'm thinking this might have done it.

You see, I came up with a concept for the anti-Repel...a Pokemon attractor, if you will, and it was working very well, but now I think it's got some serious side-effects.

What's in it? Well, in order to attract Pokemon, I thought to combine the powder that disperses when a Pokemon uses Sweet Scent with honey, both known to draw Pokemon to their scents.  I put them in a spray bottle with moonshine as a liquifying agent, and--

Well, because it would evaporate quicker and be less dense--

Oh right, my text message! I can download that now:

>>TOM DO NO USE THE POKELURE, IT IS VERY BAD, CALL ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! ~Jess

Well, there's your confirmation, Professor--

An accelerant and a combination of strong pheromone-based depressants...I guess you could say that's how it works.

How do Pokemon react to it? Well...they get a little territorial.  I mean, I don't know much about Pokemon, so I don't know what their baseline level of territoriality is, but there was this one Teddiursa that really lost his shit and--

Is...is Pidgey trying to nip at the spray bottle?

This looks like withdrawal? You mean...like drug withdrawal?! Oh my God, I've drugged the hell out of my Pidgey! I've made him an addict--!

Oh shit, the Teddiursa! God, ALL of the Pokemon that have come into contact with this!! Professor, I have a few phone calls that I have to make right now.

Tara? Hey, it's Tom Cedar.  Listen, you didn't make anymore of the PokeLure, did you?

No? Great.  Whatever touched the old batch, sterilize the hell out of it.  Field-testing showed that it worked well, yes, but Pokemon are beginning to exhibit chemical dependence on the substance.  We must have overcompensated and we ended up producing a Pokemon super-drug.

Both ingredients work on their own, however, and I want to continue experimenting before we get ahold of President Stone.  I need to see how the honey and the Sweet Scent powder work individually.  Is there any way to brew up two solutions, one for the honey and one for the powder, in two separate potion bottles? I have a PC account, so you can just send it my way--

No, we are not using as much as we did last time, and we are NOT using moonshine.  Just mix them in water...four tablespoons of the attractor and then fill completely with water.  That's it.  Once we have the knowledge of how that works out, then we can refine the mixture into something safe.

I have to go now, but I'll keep in touch.

*CLICK*

I really don't know what I should do at this point, Professor, but maybe some fresh air will do Pidgey some good.  Sterilize that bottle and dispose of it safely.  I don't want that spreading.  I'll keep you posted as to Pidgey's condition, in case you have to deal with more of this...hopefully not.

Jess? It's Tom.  I--

Woah! Slow down, girl--!

Hey, that was a gift! I told you that it was powerful and that you needed to be careful--

Why the hell did you spray it on your damned Umbreon?! That's a terrible idea--!

Look, if you weren't responsible enough to use that cautiously, then it's your fault that Umbreon gave you a concussion--

Pidgey? He's...he's fine.  He's doing better--

Well, you're not here to judge that, are you? What did you do to the rest of the PokeLure?

Nurse Joy is destroying it? Good--

What--?

Kahu gym leader is catatonic and his house is on fire--?

What the hell's a Houndoom--?

Sigh...I'll be there soon.  Don't--

Hey! Don't you threaten me! You lay a hand on me and I'm pressing charges! You need to learn a lesson about violence, little lady!

*CLICK*

Christ.  Alright...now...I just have to find my way back through the woods and passed Route 3--

I can catch a Joltik for Kevin now! Hell, maybe one for me, too!

...well, maybe one for me first, then we deal with Kevin.

Okay, now I just have to find those power-lines and follow them to the Joltik.

Just...gotta follow the power-lines.

...

...oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.