Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure: I Don't Want Happy, I Want Outrage

<<Jess: Where r u? - Tom>>

<<In between Isis and Kahu. Be there soon. - Jess>>

<<The gym is going to destroy me. - Tom>>

I seriously need to think this through before I take on the gym. I can't possibly afford a bicycle without that voucher, and I know that we won't have a shot at finding the S.S. Anne without Doc's help...so Mastam is a top priority. But Tyre...

I have no idea what to expect, other than that he plans on using the terrain in some way. Let's try to break this down:

Kevin has a Dratini, a Corphish, a Joltik, a Skarmory, a Meditite, an Audino, and a Poochyena as far as I know. I haven't seen that Audino in a very long time, and it doesn't appear as though Kevin would have wanted to bring a Normal-type into a Fighting-type gym. So, that just leaves Nightsun, Juanita, Network, Dee, Chang, and Reaver.

Nightsun is a Dragon-type, which means he's weak to Ice-type and Dragon-type attacks. Juanita is a Water-type, so she's weak to Grass-type and Electric-type attacks. Network would be weak to Rock-type or Fire-type attacks, since the Electric/Bug combination weakens Ground-type and Flying-type attacks. Dee is only weak to Fire-type and Electric-type attacks, but seeing as how she was the survivor, that would mean she had some strong defensive type-advantages. Chang is a Psychic/Fighting-type, so the only way to hit that thing effectively is with a Flying-type attack, since I don't think Tyre will pack any Ghost-type attackers. Then Reaver...well, Reaver is weak to Fighting-type attacks, so it was bound to have a bad time.

Knowing this, I think Tyre is bound to have Rock-type moves and perhaps an Electric-type move somewhere...maybe Thunderpunch. But I can't help but think he may also have a Flying-type move...but a Fighting-type that knows a Flying-type move? I can't imagine--

Jess and Erik are here. Alright, are we doing this thing or what?

Nothing happened, Jess...I'm fine. Let's go. What did you have in mind for this battle?

Two single battles...simultaneously? Like...me-versus-you and Erik-versus-you at the same time? Alright. A little unorthodox, but if that's what you want. Erik, you want to do a quick huddle?

Who are you planning on using? I was thinking about throwing out my Nidorino, since it knows a good Fighting-type move and should give Jess a decent run for her money.

You're gonna use your Zubat...named Jill? Okay, we'll go for a Poison-type assault. Besides, if it knows Leech Life, then that would be good against Dark-types, too--

You'll let me know if you find a Moon Stone? Thanks, Erik. I, uh...don't know what Zubat needs to evolve...but if it wants...like, a cookie...I can do that--a battle between us after this one? You got it.

Jess, we're ready. Let's do this.

Alright, so the Houndour's on me and her Larvitar is against Erik. Excellent, my Nidorino shouldn't have any problem--OH SHIT. My Nidorino evolved almost exclusively by kicking the shit out of Houndour! Oh, I hope this isn't going to be another blood-feud--

It's gonna be another blood-feud, isn't it?

Wait...why does that Houndour look so derpy? And its...eyes are glowing? What the--?

What the hell is that Houndour doing--?!

Sheila? What's a Sheila?

Wait...it's...a Nidorino now?! What--?!

A Ditto? You found a Ditto--IN THE DREAMWORLD?! You said that's where you went with Erik! Well then, clever girl, let's see what this impostor can do against the real McCoy! Nidorino, Dig down--!

Hey, uh...does anyone else feel like the ground is grasping at their feet? No? Just me?

Guys, I am literally seeing roots and rocks working their way around my feet. What the hell is going on? Nidorino, dig down and get underneath--

Nidorino, what's wrong? Can't you dig through this?

Rocks and debris are starting to cover both Nidorino and this Sheila! This has to be the work of some wild Pokemon in the area. Let's see what the Pokedex has to say about this...

...nothing?! Why is the earth trying to consume my Pokemon if this isn't a Pokemon doing some kind of attack?! It's sensing a Psychic-type attack, but no Pokemon?! Nidorino, we're aborting. Double Kick your way out of there!

It's not working! You have to--why isn't Sheila doing any kind of attacks? Jess, do you have any idea what's happening--?

Oh, you're too busy celebrating that you have the advantage to give a shit about the force that's going to consume both of our Pokemon? Play that way if you want, I'm done fooling around. Nidorino, return...then come back out on top of the ground.

Now, focus your energy. If we're gonna hit this thing, we're gonna hit it super hard. Now, charge--!

Watch out for that kick--! Okay, you only took one hit, but its other leg is trapped in the dirt now! Use this opening! Push that thing deep into the ground!

Sheila's deep in there, but now you're trapped again, too?!

Alright, that's enough. This battle is over. Nidorino, return. I'm not going to sit around and potentially harm our Pokemon while there's something out there trying to hurt us as we speak--

Jess, now come on! There's no way that Erik has anything to do with this! Something isn't right here. Gliscor, get out here and get ready to knock some sense into whatever is causing this. Yes, recall your Zubat, you'll need something stronger if we--

The ground...is settling? I don't understand. It's as if as soon as we stopped battling, the earth...

Erik...did you have something to do with this?

Are you kidding me?! You could have at least warned me that you were planning on using your psychic powers to TERRAFORM THE BATTLEFIELD--!

What do you mean "we never said we couldn't"?! I shouldn't have to put down a don't-use-psychic-powers clause when we battle! I don't care that it's technically not illegal; there's never been a fucking precedent in League history for that kind of thing!

If you have such a problem with my objection to you using your powers during battle, then let's throw down. Right here, right now. One Pokemon apiece. Let's go--

This is not about experimentation! I could rig a transformer to fry your Zubat where it hovers, but I don't use my "powers" in battle, do I? Because it's not fair to those who can't and, most importantly, it's dangerous--!

Oh, now you don't want to battle because you think I'm unstable?! Screw you, I'm perfectly stable! So, why don't YOU take a seat and YOU calm down that gale-force tempest of psychic activity in YOUR brain!