Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure: Why Was I Never Told?!

IT WAS REAL?! IT WAS ALL REAL?! THE FLAMING BALLOON, THE HERD OF FIRE CAMELS, THE BELLSPROUT THAT BLEW ERIK UP...IT WAS ALL REAL?!?! HOW?! HOW WAS THAT REAL--?!?

...I can never sleep again. I'll go back. I can't handle that if I have to go back there every night. My brain couldn't take it--

Kevin? Kevin...this ball...

I think there's a tree in here. I dreamt of a tree...one had a penis and this one threw ice cream. Is he...?

Snover. He's real. I don't...return.

Kevin...this did not exist. This tree DID NOT EXIST! I thought about fire and there were camels and they poured out of a volcano and--

You got your Dratini this way? Wait...WHAT?! PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THIS DREAM WORLD?!?! WHY WASN'T I EVER TOLD--?!

Nurse! What?! "What happened?" You want to know what happened?! I went to sleep and I woke up running through a hallway in the woods and found a television with a friend on it who took me to his floating island mansion and showed me an education video about a dream realm wherein if you think of rainbow bridge that leads to a grassy field with exploding flowers and trees with dicks, you're gonna go there! Then flaming camels chased me into an icy cave where a tree threw ice cream daggers at me and then became my friend before plummeting down a dark Onix tunnel into a haunted house with a rock 'n' roll band and a cabinet with drawers to the ocean. I think we sunk a ship with our mind and piloted it through the sky while subduing a purple balloon that screamed and combust into a floating inferno before returning to the mansion island to build Poke Balls and violate a giant dream-tree with the dream-tree dick we brought with us and then Erik tried to get me to have sex with these three women but all I kept thinking about was that all of the unfortunate events that have happened in Cythos and the psychotic apocalypse aboard the S.S. Anne may all be caused by the same supernaturally-obfuscated criminal organization with long hair that could really look like anything.

...

...no, I am not on drugs, Nurse Joy. I took a nap--

THAT ONLY LASTED AN HOUR?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I GO ON A JOURNEY INTO THE BOWELS OF ANOTHER DIMENSION AND IT TAKES LESS THAN 60 MINUTES--?!

Oh, hi Jess.

Calm down?! I can't calm down! Everything I've ever perceived as my subconscious mind has been proven to be a lie! Call Erik! He knows I ordered a mimosa--!

Snover, come out.

I just...I just need a hug right now.

You poor guy...this must all be quite the shock to you, too...what, with the suddenly existing and whatnot. Don't worry, I'll--how do I train you? I hadn't even thought about that. I can't speak the commands to you and I can't very well use sign language because you'd have to be able to see me to understand what I'd want you to do. I guess--

What? No, Jess...my Snover won't listen to your Sneasel, or to me for that matter. It's deaf.

Well, maybe Nurse Joy would know something about Snover deafness. Who knows? Mine never existed before, so I don't know how reliable anything she says is going to--

Oh, so it's actually kind of common in Snover? Well...how do trainers of deaf Pokemon teach their Pokemon to battle effectively?

Sure, visual cues...and yeah, it would make sense that the psychic link from the Poke Ball would help them understand--

...

The Poke Ball. The Poke Ball is the key to it all! Erik talked about it in my dream! The psychic link inherent in the technology...it's why we synch Pokemon to our brain. It gives them their sense of self, but that's only with a momentary mind-meld. You could open up full techno-telepathic communication if we could figure out what in the Poke Ball affects the Pokemon's brain, and once you've figured that out...

PEN. PAPER. NOW!

Jess, hold on a second! I need to write this down before I forget!

My god, it's so simple! If Devon Corp knows how to make a Poke Ball, they'll know how to tap into that cognitive matrix and we can find a way to keep open a mental channel so that even non-psychic Pokemon trainers can communicate to their Pokemon with their minds! And if you can synch a Dark-type Pokemon in this technology, then you can even communicate to them techno-telepathicly! This is going to revolutionize the world of Pokemon as we know it--!

Yes, yes, I'll wait for Erik here--Erik! He's got a Drowzee! A perfect psychic baseline for experimentation! It's so simple! All we'd need are the resources and the backers for this research, and if I can convince President Stone to fund this study--

Jamarcus! Goddamn it! If everything in the dream actually happened, then that means that Jamarcus opened his damn mouth about the PokeLure! Oh, when I get my hands on that loudmouth idiot, I'll wring his neck--!

And Tera! I still need those beta prototypes for the PokeLure! I have so many phone calls to make--

Yes, Kevin? Yes, I still have my phone. Why do you ask?

You...want it? Okay, here you go. I still have some notes to jot down. Just give it back when you're done.

Help? No, Jess...sorry, you're a very little help to me right now. No offense, just being objective. Got a little bit of a brain-bug that I have to exorcise before I lose it completely--

The nurse? Yes! Send over Nurse Joy! I need to ask her about her brain scanners.

Oh, you're back, Kevin. Thanks--

This isn't my phone. Where's my phone?

This is a phone? A holo-caster, you say? Well, thank you. It's very nice. Ooh, and an instruction manual, too! I will need that--

..."what am I writing?" Well, Kevin, this is something that could revolutionize everything. It's nothing right now...not yet. I can't even begin to list the necessary resources in order to bring about--STONE! WHERE IS ARTURO?!

Okay, maybe you're right. I don't want to end up in a nuthouse before I speak to Stone about all this, but I'm not going to go crazy, Kevin. That's what the paper is for. The paper is my deliverance.

Huh...both of them left in a hurry. Odd-balls. More time for me to focus on my work!

Yes, Nurse, I'm quite fine--Nurse Joy! I have a few questions for you!

Don't panic, it's nothing difficult. They're more rhetorical than anything else. I just want to make sure that I still fully grasp the concepts at hand. Now...how to Poke Balls work?

They capture a Pokemon inside and link them to the trainer, right? That's why we have synching machines in the Pokemon Center, right? In case a trainer acquires a Pokemon that he did not catch. So, it's safe to say that there's technology in the synching machines that interacts with technology in the Poke Balls, which in turn directly affects the Pokemon's brain, right? And if the balls are linked to the Pokemon and the trainer, then the must be some sort of cognitive link between the trainer and the Pokemon that enables the trainer to issue commands to the Pokemon, right? I want to explore that. Do you have a brainwave monitor in this facility? An EEG machine or an MEG machine?

You do! Excellent! Hook me up to one!

Alright...it's a little snug, but I need to examine this. Let me see the monitor. First, I'm going to call out Snover from his Poke Ball.

Ah ha! A small flitter on the screen! Definitive brain activity! Well, let's make sure that wasn't a fluke, though. Snover, return. Go, Elekid.

Another flitter! So, a link does open up when a Pokemon is released from the trainer's ball! Now, what about if I use a command? Elekid, jump and try to touch the ceiling--

Yes, I know that's an odd request, but I've had a very odd nap. Just please try for me.

Hmmm...not much. I wonder if it will generate a more noticeable response if the Pokemon uses a known attack. Elekid, Quick Attack up to the ceiling and touch it. I wonder...

Yes! A true blip! This is the proof I need to extrapolate on the possibilities of this research! Brilliant! Nurse Joy, thank you so very much. You may take me off of the machines now--

My friends went to the gym? Excellent, I will meet them there.

Hmm...I better be ready for a battle, just in case. For a Fighting-type gym...

Pidgey, Nidorino, Elekid, Gliscor, Pinsir, and Chinchou seem like the best fit for this gym. I'll take them and head over.

I better make a few phone calls on the way. It'll get me acquainted with my new hardware.

Tera? This is Tom Cedar, how are you? Listen, I've just spoken with President Stone and he seems very interested in the PokeLure. I want to send him two bottles of the prototype, but we need to change that formula. Keep the Sweet Scent and the honey in separate containers and dissolve in water...not alcohol. I'm going to test the both of them out and see what kinds of effects they generate individually. If I get nothing, I'll be able to combine the formulas without the risk of the moonshine making Pokemon go batty. Send them to my PC box as soon as you can. Oh, and speak nothing of this to Jamarcus. He sucks and he can't keep his mouth shut.

Now...let's get Jamarcus on the line.

Hmm...no answer, I wonder why not? Maybe he doesn't want me to rip him a new--