Wiggle Wiggle Break: An Iridescent Adventure: I'll Have A Mimosa

...zzz

...nnn...no...

...no...wait...

...Holly...come...

...come back...let me...

...my son...just let me...

...I'm sorry...just...

...

...hold on a second. I've had this dream before; I chase Holly and Cole down a dark hallway and they keep getting further and further from me. But this...this is different.

The walls. Am I...in a gym? But the floor--

...grass.

A forest? I don't understand. The trees...

I can barely see them. The mist is so thick here...like...television static--

A television...it's working, but the image...I can't--

It's getting clearer. It's...it almost looks like...

...Erik?

ERIK: Hey, you there?

TOM: Umm...I think so?

ERIK: Can you turn to Channel 7 so we could talk?

This has got to be the weirdest dream I've ever had...but okay.

Channel 7--

The field...where--?

I'm...I'm on...an island? In the sky? Strange, this is definitely--

Erik? There you are. What's going on?

Yes, I'm fairly certain I'm dreaming. I'm on a floating island in the sky, aren't I--?

Have I ever heard of...the Dream World? Erik, there are a great many things I have not heard of--

Erik...the television is playing an educational video about the Dream World. Did you...did you tell the television to do that?

Of course you did.

So...wait...the Pokemon and items I find here...the TV said...they can be real? What does that mean--?

Nobody really knows? But, if I--

Why am I trying to read into this? I'm asleep. This is a dream. Of course "nobody" really knows because I wouldn't know and couldn't know, and this dream is all coming from the perspective of my subconscious.

I'm in your subconscious, Erik? Okay, sure. Whatever you say.

Ooh, an old-timey elevator. Where are we going now--?

Wait...I can't die here, can I?

No? Good. Let's get in the elevator then.

So, you say that Tyre's been here for two days, but to him, it's felt like two whole years? Don't that beat all--

Hey, is this your place? Love the smoking room. Very classy.

Oh hey, and there's your Drowzee! His name was...Socrates, right?

SOCRATES: May I get you anything, sir?

I...it spoke--

Of course it spoke. Fuck it, I'll have a mimosa.

What?

You're telling me that I can have anything my heart desires? Okay...how about a mimosa and my family? Can you swing that one? No? Just the mimosa, then.

This...is an orange. Hey, it's a dream, right? I bet I can just conjure a glass from my mind and squeeze a mimosa directly from the orange, right?

Or...you could just give me one yourself. Thanks, Erik.

Well, you said you wanted to talk...what about?

What's been going on? Well, there's been riots in Isis where people went loco and Pokemon went near feral, then there were the packs of hell-dogs and the spectral tag-team wreaking havoc on Tyre's house...both of which seem to be caused by the same fellows with long hair wearing trench coats--

You know, I seem to remember you saying something about shit going down soon in the coming towns when we were back in Chloris. You sure as hell called it--

Can you really blame me for doubting you? You said you engaged in some kind of mental communion with a floating pink orb that told you everything that was going to happen and that we were all in grave danger; yet, you said this after suffering massive head trauma from having John Henry the megaton Steelix fall directly on your head. I had a fairly strong foundation for my skepticism--

Oh, and while talking about weird shit, the long hair guys can apparently change what they look like. I saw one of them through the Silph Scope and he looked completely different from what he looked like when Kevin took a photo of him--

The Silph Scope...well, you're right, it does pick up on paranormal concealment--

Erik, do you think these people are using some sort of Pokemon-powered concealment? Like Ghost-types at their beck and call to disguise themselves? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Josh was one of them--

You've spent some time with him, I take it?

Yes, he is difficult to work with--I don't really care if he wants the world to behave a certain way and he'll see it burn if that means fixing the problem...the world isn't going to change for him, and--

...get him out of the picture? I mean, that would be ideal. We just sort of go on without him and--

We need to work together? You just said that he's difficult to work with! But...I suppose you're right. I mean, we're gonna need all the help we can get...even though I have no idea what I did to get him so aggravated. I mean, he basically tried to poach my Pinsir out from under me and--

"Strategic errors?" What kind of "strategic errors"did I make around him, exactly--?

You want me...to be civil to Josh--? You want me to promise to be civil to Josh from now on? I'll tell you what, if I wake up from this and you ask me why I ordered the mimosa, I'll be as civil as civil can be. Deal? I'll call you when I get up from my nap. I'll have to make a few phone calls first--

Yes, about the PokeLure, but also--

How in the hell did you know about that? I've only ever told a few people about that, and I don't think Jess would want to share anything with you after that "kid" remark, and I'd like to think that Tera has some professionalism about her, and Jamarcus...

...fucking Jamarcus told you, didn't he? Ooh, that son of a bitch--

Wait. This is still a dream. Why be upset at something I don't even know is real? Remember Erik...mimosa--

Well, I guess there's no harm in talking about it. There were a few formulaic miscalculations, a little bit of chemical overcompensation, but we're working towards a safe solution to the issues with the original recipe. Thank goodness I didn't tell Jamarcus about the beta formula--

A workshop? You...turned this room into a workshop? We could potentially work on the formula here then, in theory--?

Or...the Poke Ball designs that you had mentioned before. Of course I remember. Why wouldn't I remember? It's not like that's something I forgot--would we be able to bring back to the real world what we worked on here?

There are limits? Of course there are--you weren't the one who said that, were you, Erik? Where exactly are you in Isis?

And who the hell is this guy?

The Dreamers? A collective of people in Isis who know how to get here...by inhaling the mists of Musharna--are these like, drug addicts or something--?

Whoa! Okay! No judgment here! You're not on drugs! Sorry I said anything...

So, there aren't any laws of physics here, per se, and these Poke Balls are really only mental representations of how we think Poke Balls work, so...they may not actually be real? Well, I looked inside of a Great Ball once and that was a mess and a half--

Josh and Aequitas are almost here? What, in the Dream World? How long until...

Who the fuck is Aequitas?

Some other guy? Awesome. They're in the city and you're somewhere in suburbia? Do we have to meet them right now? How does time work here--?

They're in the same time zone? Great. Okay. What does that mean for us--?

Whoa, okay, we're back outside. Please don't do that so quickly. Rapid scene changes are really disorienting...

But that rainbow bridge looks so beautiful--

"What kind of Pokemon does my party need?" Well, I dunno. I've certainly gotten my share of Electric-types, I've got some Water-types and Flying-types, a few Dark-types, a Fire-type, plenty of Normal-types, a Bug-type that knows Fighting-type moves, a Ground-type that knows Bug-type and Dark-type moves, and a Poison-type that knows Fighting-type, Ground-type, and Flying-type moves. I don't suppose I'll need a Steel-type or a Rock-type anytime soon, since Tyre is a Fighting-type gym leader...but I don't have a single Grass-type, Ghost-type or a Psychic-type. Why?

We can...go find one? Well then, if you don't mind me saying so, Psychic-types and Ghost-types are a little intimidating at the moment. Can we look for a Grass-type?

All I have to do is walk across this bridge? And what?

Think of fields...okay. Wide, grassy fields. Lot's of grass...maybe some rolling hills...and some flowers, too...why not? And a little tree...and maybe--

Hey! This is it! This is the field I imagined! It's got everything, down to the little tree--

Why does the tree have a penis?

Better question...why did you break off the tree's penis? That can't have felt good--

Oh god, the more I look at it, the more it looks like a dick. Ugh! That tree's gonna be pissed, just like those trees I ran into on Route 3--

On second thought, let's not think about those trees. Let's think about happy Pokemon instead. Nice, happy little Grass-types.

I remember a bunch of Oddish roaming around Cerulean City...and Bulbasaur, that was another Grass-type from Kanto...and Snivy, I fought one of those shortly after getting off the S.S. Anne...and Bellsprout--

No. Fuck Bellsprout. Those damn things nearly killed me. Stupid woman, growing dangerous Bellsprout out in the open where someone could get hurt--

Something just brushed up against my leg!

A Bellsprout?! Damn it, of all things! I was thinking anything but a Bellsprout--pink elephants. Shit. I thought too much about not thinking about it. Oh god, this is going to end terribly--

GAH! GET DOWN! IT'S GONNA SHOOT!

ERIK! LOOK OUT--!

WHY DID IT EXPLODE?! WHY DID THE SEED EXPLODE?!? ERIK?!? ERIK?!?!??!?!!?!?!

I gotta get out of here! There's no way I can fight this thing with my mind if Erik can't! If only I had one of my Fire-types or Ice-types with me, I could battle it--

Why does it feel like I'm running uphill now? And why is the ground shaking--?

And why is a herd of flame-engulfed camels charging in my direction?!!? SWEET FUCKS IN A HANDBAG THIS IS A HELL-SCAPE!!!

I gotta find some place to hide from these--

A cave! I hate caves, but I don't have much of a choice, considering. In we go!

Hey, it doesn't look like they're after me anymore. There's a relief. Maybe it's because they don't like the cold--why the hell is it so cold in here?

Wow...the entire cave is covered in ice and bright blue crystals...it's beautiful.

And the crystals are cold to the touch, too. Man, Arturo would have a field-day in here--

Hey, that looks like a Poke Ball of some kind! I could really use that! Maybe I can catch something in here...or at least find out why the hell it's snowing inside of a cave...

Or how there's a tree growing in the middle of a cave. What even is that? Is that some kind of spruce or--?

It has...eyes? This tree is alive? Maybe it's a Grass-type Pokemon...if only I had my Pokedex with me. It looks chilled to the bone. Aww, you okay there, little tree? Are you hiding in here because you're afraid of the camels, too--?

Hey, it's awake! Oh no, I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm just--

What are you grabbing?

What are you throwing at me--?

YEEEOOOOOOOW!!

ERIK: Tom, where are you?

TOM: I'm in the cave with the tree and it hates me--! OW!

Stop throwing shit at me--! OW! Damn, this thing doesn't understand me--OW! Leave me alone! Please--!

AHHH! WHAT IS STUCK IN MY ARM?!?! WHY DOES IT HAVE EYES?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, TOO?! GET OUT OF MY ARM!!

It won't budge! I'm bleeding and this tree keeps attacking me! What did I ever do to you?! I'm sorry I came in this cave! I'm sorry I invaded your home! Just don't hurt me, please!

It...it looks...sorry? But...why does it suddenly...?

The blood. It sees the blood on my arm. It knows that it hurt me. Maybe...

Hey, little guy, can you help me get this thing out of my arm? It really hurts.

Yeah, just grab this thing and pull--LOOK AWAY!

This friggin' ice cream cone is putting off some kind of bright warning light, trying to blind us. I know! I'll use my jacket to cover it up so my little tree-buddy can get in there and yank him out--

Erik! Thank goodness! There's ice cream stuck in my arm and it's blinding the tree--

I can't get it out. I need my tree-buddy--did you just tell me to think it out of my arm? I don't think it works quite like that, Erik--!

GAH!! The icy prick is stabbing me now! Tree-buddy! Help!

Phew! Thanks, little guy. I owe you one. Say...are you a Grass-type? You look like a tree, so...

...I guess I'll take that as a yes.

Do I...want to take him with me? I mean, sure. We sort of bonded over the whole arm-wound thing. How about it, little tree-buddy? Wanna come with us? Erik is a nice guy and...

I...I'll take that as another yes than? Here, take my hand. Erik, are you making some kind of door for us? Maybe I can try to--on second thought, you go ahead and make the door. I'm keeping my mind empty from here on out.

Hey, that's a nice door. Let's go. Come on, tree-buddy.

This hallway is...umm...it's a little dark. Do you think we can get some light in here, Erik--?

OH GOD ONIX EVERYWHERE! ERIK! GET US OUT OF--!

HYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Okay...remember what I said about quick-changes? Sudden-escape pitfalls are MUCH WORSE than background transitions...

Erik...where the hell did you take us?

Yes, I'm from Kanto...no, we don't have haunted houses...and no, I would not particularly like to go into this one. I mean, I'm gonna follow you regardless, but--

And we're going in. Fantastic--

And now the walls are shaking and electricity is coursing through the spiderwebs draped above our heads. There is nothing about this that is particularly--

A fake wall? Why is there--?

...

...I have no words. There's a goddamn rock 'n' roll show happening in a haunted house...and the singer looks a lot like Erik. That's weird...

At least tree-buddy likes the music...I think. Hey Erik, my tree-thing likes the music--

It's called a Snover? And it's a Grass-type and an Ice-type?! Are you sure--?

Aww, little tree-buddy is groovin' to the music. Groove on, tree-buddy...

Hey, your Pokedex! Point it at tree-buddy and let's see what it has to say.

Yep, it definitely is a Snover, and it's...your Pokedex is cursing at me--OH! Oh, shit, I never fixed that on yours, did I? You know, I could do that for you if you'd like--wait...did your Pokedex just refer to me by name? Does that mean that I'm in the Pokedex?

POKEDEX: Tom Cedar, the Divorced Human. Becoming locally famous and garnering a reputation for destroying everything he touches, it is only a matter of time before he gets what's coming to him.

...I didn't like that at all.

Wait...can I see that for a second?

>>>SEARCH: Cedar, Cole
>>>SEARCHING
>>>ERROR: Results not found

...I liked that less.

Let's hear it one more time for the house band, ladies and gentlemen...

Ugh--

Tree-buddy, what's up?

Oh, the band disappeared. Oh well, no more music, I guess. It was kind of getting on my nerves a bit, anyway--

Erik, did you say tree-buddy reminds you of...of your son? I...I didn't know you were a father. You married? Wife, too, huh?

Yeah, wives are fun. I had one for a while...didn't turn out quite so well as I had--

You'll help me find my son when this is done? That's very kind of you to offer, but I wouldn't even know where to begin looking--

"Eyes on the prey, not the horizon." Umm...sure? Are we actually going into this house or are we--?

Fuck, we're going into the house. I was hoping we wouldn't have to. Come on, tree-buddy--

Tree-buddy? You listening? We're going now. Come on, give me your hand...

Erik? Is something wrong--?

What do you have in that drawer? Is there something stuck in there--?

WOAH! That clam's got your tree-dick--

Okay, this is definitely the weirdest dream I've ever had. Alright, well, we better help Erik out. Come on, tree-buddy.

So here's a question, Erik...why is there a clam on your tree-penis...your "treenis", if you will...and why is there so much sexual stuff in the Dream World?

Sex dreams...of course--you were fishing for a Magikarp? You know, those are pretty common in Kanto, and I've heard their easy to find. Hell, even I might be able to find one for you if--

Oh, it's a pride thing for you? Yeah, I understand that. Okay, no worries then. Well, at least my tree-buddy can help get that Shellder off. Go, attack!

You hit that thing pretty hard! Good boy--

Have I ever played...Mario? Yeah, but not for several years. Why--?

Are we...are we going into the drawer? Can we even breathe under water? I mean, I know this is a dream and all, but--

Okay, you're just gonna go ahead and dive in there. Great. Well, Snover, I hope you know how to swim.

So...

We're at the bottom of the ocean...and Erik...you're basically a mermaid. Er...merman. I'm, uh...I'm jut gonna walk, if that's fine by you.

Wow, there are some really majestic Pokemon in the depths. Whales, rays...

...sunken pirate ships--DID YOU MAKE A SUNKEN PIRATE SHIP WITH YOUR BRAIN? THAT'S AWESOME, AND YES I WILL EXPLORE THAT WITH YOU.

Let's check it out!

Hmm...doesn't seem like there's any treasure in here. Perhaps these pirates were unsuccessful. Well, let's just--

And we're in the sky. Still on the ship. What is this world?

Flocks of Wingull...well, maybe the ocean is still beneath us? Who knows at this point--?

The captain's quarters? I don't think we explored that yet. Sure, let's head on up. And it's not even locked! What luck--

Oh...hello. Hey, Erik, did you want dibs on this guy? I get tree-buddy and balloon-buddy--?

IT BURST INTO FLAMES. ERIK, IT BURST INTO FLAMES. WE ARE ON A WOODEN BOAT AND THAT THING BURST INTO FLAMES--

Where the hell is my Snover?

Oh...it's still outside? Come on, little fella. What's the matter? Do I have to put you on a leash or something--?

Thank you, Erik...but I think this might be a little demeaning. Maybe something a little less--

Or a fez. A fez works.

And apparently it likes the fez. Okay, great. My tree has a hat now--oh, is this how you dressed Socrates? I thought you needed a tailor--Snover! Stay away from that door!

AHH! MY EARS! THE SQUEALING FROM THAT BALLOON IS--!

Not affecting Snover in the slightest--

Holy shit, he threw a chair at it. Yeah, Snover! You take the fight to that crazy thing--!

What? You think my Snover is...deaf?

Oh my god, that would make sense. It didn't respond to me when I was trying to calm it down through talking, it didn't respond to the squealing, and it probably only responded to the rock show because of the deep percussive bass. That's why it never comes when I call it...it can't hear me. Oh lord, that's going to be a problem...

But apparently, he can handle his own in battle. That's good to know. I guess we don't have to worry about the ship burning down now.

Say Erik...does this happen every time you dream?

You can go in and out as you please...and read the minds of Pokemon in this world? Well, can you read the mind of my Snover? See what up with it?

Wait, why are you putting a hand on my shoulder? Are you gonna try to mind-meld with--

OHDEARGODTHESENSES!

It is deaf, but I don't see anything about its past. It's almost as though it didn't exist until I thought about Ice-type Pokemon and Grass-type Pokemon. It's almost as if...this Snover...sees me...as its father. Wow, that's...that's deep--

Hey, his fez disappeared...and he's staring off into the distance. Does he see something?

Land! Another floating island...with a massive tree on it. Woah...Erik, what is this?

This is where my journey...ends? Am I waking up? Well, either way, thank you. This has certainly been a crazy way to spend a nap, but I have no doubt that I'll be forgetting this dream any time soon.

A toll? I need to pay it with something...from my journey? I mean, I didn't take anything with me. I didn't know--

You...want me to take the treenis? Geez, Erik, I don't know if I can--

Okay, you're giving me the treenis. Great. I feel gross. Come on, Snover. Let's--

It won't go with me? Why not? I thought we were friends.

Oh, the guide guy is back--he can't go with me? The dream is over? Oh...well, I guess this is goodbye, tree-buddy. I'll miss you.

So, I have to wish real hard and leave something I found on my journey...and just insert it into the hollow in the tree--

This is so wrong--STOP GIGGLING!

Well, here goes nothing, I guess.

The tree is glowing and...I feel myself...disappearing...

Oh, I'm back on Erik's island--

And there's Erik by that picnic table...

...with a pitcher of mimosas. Well, okay then. Erik, what happened to Snover?

A surprise? Alright, I guess that makes sense. If I don't know what happened, you won't know what happened. My dream, after all.

Ah, the Poke Balls! You mentioned something about working on balls. So, you want to take them apart and make alterations? Sounds marketable.

You made one with a longer recall-beam for Jess and Roses? Very nice. I wonder if you can make one with a wider beam to reduce the necessary accuracy needed to recall a Pokemon.

Well, there's definitely a laser and an energy source...and it does pass through a focusing lens. That would be what needs to be modified...but what's this apparatus here?

"Why can we only carry six balls at a time?" Umm, well, those are League regulations...but why those regulations are in place, I have no clue. Fairness?

It does something to our minds? The balls connect with our brain and if more than six are active at once, then people experience mental strain, causing drowsiness and fainting? Dear me, that sounds serious. But...that's why we need to synch our Pokemon? Because we need to link our brainwaves with the balls themselves? It's simultaneously a technological link and a psychic link...wow--

If the connection was severed? Well, yeah, I imagine that a part of our personality and identity is imbued in a Pokemon when we catch it...if that connection is severed...

Oh god, they would lose their minds, wouldn't they? They'd have a psychotic breakdown. They'd revert to being--

Wild! Holy shit! The mobs of Pokemon in Isis...the hive in Chloris...the S.S. Anne...all of it. It is something psychic!

Your vision...of what happened on the S.S. Anne...will you show me?

Wait, are you going to do the--?

YESYOUAREARGHSONOFABITCH!

The S.S. Anne...I'm...I'm on it. We're approaching Isis, but...I can't...I can't control--Go, Milotic!

Everyone else is calling out their Pokemon. What's going on?

Sabrina...she's...in pain. Her...her mind--

Crasher Wake, what's wrong with her?

She struck him! But...I--Milotic, attack him!

Electricity is arcing everywhere...Misty, run interference!

Yes, use your Starmie--!

Steven Stone, the other Hoenn Champion. Flannery, attack his Metagross! Now!

There's too much chaos onboard...I need to be sea-bound. Wailord, go!

Buffet the ship! Sink it--!

The battle...it's...it's fading...who...

Who are you?

???: He's finally gotten free. He's incredibly dangerous. You have to stop him.

What? But...stop who? Who are you--?

YAHHHHH!

Erik...I saw it. Steven Stone...dear god, Arturo! He needs to know! His brother must be seriously injured...but what would that do without knowing where he is? I don't want to worry him needlessly...

Erik, when did you say you received this vision?

After the battle against the Vespiquen? Of course...the head wound would have made the perfect cover.

But the vision...was given for all of us? Kevin and I, you and Arturo, Jess, Josh, and even Lindsay? But why--?

...because there's no one else who can do it, is there? But what makes us so special? Why us?

ERIK: Why anyone?

...I need a drink. Is it weird that I feel like I need a nap right around now?

No...we will stop them, but...this is so much to process at once.

On the house? What's on the house?

A bed? Erik, where did you--?

Oh...oh my. Triplets? Christ, Erik, you can't expect me to bone these women now! Not after what you just told me! I just...I just need...some...peace.