ACCEPT MY HELP, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Ugh...Umbreon? Wha--?

Jess...yeah, I feel a little concussed--

Where's the Lapras?

It's swimming away?! No--!

OOF! Okay, I'm staying laying down...but here, Jess...

It's already synched up to my Trainer ID; make it count...

Come on, Jess...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

...

Break?! Oh, goddamn it! Well, I still have some of my own left! Poke Ball, go--

Wow, I'm dizzy.  Wait, I know! If I spray the ball with the PokeLure, the Pokemon will come directly to the ball! Tom, you genius!

Alright, Cedar, this is your time to shine! Poke Ball, go!

Direct hit! Not bad, considering I'm seeing three of those things...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

...

Wiggle...

...

...

...

...

Break again?!

It's...it's attacking the broken Poke Ball really violently.  Memo to self: be sure marketed recipe does not  induce hyper-aggression.

What is the matter with you, huh?! Don't you understand that I'm trying to help you?!?

The bay is getting all foggy! That Pokemon is trying to hide itself in the mist! Umbreon, get off of me; I need to be standing to make this throw.

Don't you understand when someone's trying to help you, you big, blue, stupid flipper-camel?! ACCEPT MY HELP, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

(On the rare occasion that I roll a natural 20 for Tom, it has never been accompanied by a critical failure from the target of the roll.  Lapras, however, rolled that critical failure...and Tom rolled that rare natural 20.)

(A double-critical capture.)

Yes! We got it! Chinchou, bring that ball back here so we can send it directly to the PC.  We are getting this Lapras help whether it wants it or not!

And if we're en route to the Pokemon Center, I may want to see a nurse, because I can taste metal.

Oh, that's right...rocky cliff-face...that's now wiggling around because of my dizzy.  Super.

Ah, you're helping! Thank you, Umbreon.  You're rather dark, did you know that? And it looks like you're wearing little rings on your ears and tail, and you've got little donuts on your legs! I'm hungry.  Can we take a nap?

Jess, who is this? Is this another Umbreon?

Sneasel...okay.  Why do we have one?

Daycare...it's scared...umm...explain later? I'm going to remember none of this.  Let's just go to the Pokemon Center...

...in Chloris.  Let's definitely go to the one in Chloris.

Avenge Me, Fish!

(POV: Chinchou)

CHINCHOU:   What did you do?!?! He was only trying to help you!!!

LAPRAS:   Wha--huh? Oh...I'm leaving.

CHINCHOU:   You're not going anywhere!

LAPRAS:   Argh!

CHINCHOU:   You might have been able to survive out in the open ocean with that wound, but that Thunder Wave just paralyzed you! Now you can't survive out there, so you need his help!

LAPRAS:   I know of ways to take care of this...

CHINCHOU:   Where do you think you're diving off to?!

LAPRAS:   Ugh...why you--GAH!

CHINCHOU:   You'll only hurt yourself if you try to attack me now!

LAPRAS:   Leave me alone--!

CHINCHOU:   No! You hurt him and now you're not leaving until you help him! I've dealt with worse foes than you! I'm not afraid! Come on!

That's Not A Wave...

(POV: Tom)

I have no idea what's going on out there, but that Pokemon is looking really pissed! I've got to think of something to get it closer so I can try to calm it down.  If only there was some way to lure it over here--

...right! Let's just spray a little bit onto my hand like so, and accounting for the direction of the wind...

Wounded sea-giant! Come to me!

Not you, you dumb bird--!

OW! OOH! AHH! CUT THAT OUT! GAH!

Pidgey, return!

Jesus, Pidgey! Ugh, I can't give up now!

I wonder if it can even smell the PokeLure--

Okay, I think it smells it now.

Wow, that thing sure can move across the water fast, huh? Yes, just come a bit closer so I can see what's afflicting you.  I am your friend, gentle giant.  There is no need to fear me--

That's not a wave.  Wait, is this thing attacking me--?!

*SPLASH*

(The answer is yes...it is, in fact, attacking me, but there wasn't much Tom could do, having critically failed the Perception check to spot the incoming aquatic assault.  This, compounded with Pidgey's pecking assault, along with wounds accumulated from the run-ins with the Bellsprouts, the Starly, and that douche-bag's Voltorb leaves Tom with -6 HP.  Furthermore, if you recall, the shore is rather rocky, so upon falling unconscious, Tom cracked his head pretty bad on the rocks under his feet.  He's making saving throws now to try to stabilize the bleeding from an unconscious state, and seeing as how that feat is relatively impossible to accomplish by myself and Jess has run off onto the bridge to attend to a Sneasel she encountered earlier, things are looking grim for old Tom here.)

(Funny...thought the Carvanha would have killed him, but the Lapras is looking like the more likely game-ender.  And the Pokedex say they're gentle...ha.)

Go Away

(POV: Chinchou)

Oh, goodness! There is so much blood here! That Pokemon must be very badly injured!

It doesn't appear very friendly, but perhaps that's just because it is in a great deal of pain.  I must reach out to it!

CHINCHOU:   Greetings, fellow sea-dweller!

LAPRAS:   Go away.

CHINCHOU:   But you are injured!

LAPRAS:   I'll be fine.

CHINCHOU:   It's not safe with all this blood in the water! Blood attracts terrible creatures, like Carvanha, or worse--

LAPRAS:   And how is this any of your concern?

CHINCHOU:   The nice man on the shore is concerned and he wants to help you--

LAPRAS:   I don't need his help!

CHINCHOU:   Why can't you just accept someone trying to help you?!

LAPRAS:   Why are you so sure that I need it?

CHINCHOU:   Pidgey, you don't look so good--

PIDGEY:   My head fuckin' hurts.

CHINCHOU:   What's wrong?

PIDGEY:   I don't know! But it fuckin' hurts!

LAPRAS:   Would you mind GETTING OFF MY BACK!!!

PIDGEY:   I'm not that heavy! And my head hurts! Fuck off!

LAPRAS:   THAT'S IT!

LAPRAS:   You have exactly ten seconds to leave before I become very unfriendly...

CHINCHOU:   ...this was you friendly?

Gotta Save 'Em All!

(POV: Tom)

Well, we're here.  Hey, I think I see Roses and Murk, but where's Pidgey?

Oh, there he is...on the back of that huge blue Pokemon--

WOAH! Would you just look at that thing! It's huge, but it's so majestic--!

Oh my god, that thing is really badly hurt! Look at all that blood! That thing needs serious medical attention soon or something might come along and attack it in its weakened state!

Hang on, girl! I'm coming!

Oof...ugh...the terrain here is terrible! We'd never be able to get this thing onto land and back to a Pokemon Center with all these rocks and stuff here! Chinchou, go!

Chinchou, I need you to swim out to that big blue Pokemon out in the bay and convince it to come closer so we can get it help for those wounds! Go! Swim like the wind!

I can't physically bring it onto shore, and none of my Pokemon are big enough to carry it or have the ability to heal it in the water, so that leaves me with only one option: in order to save that Pokemon...

...I'm gonna have to catch it.

Dipshit

(POV: Pidgey)

Hey! Dipshit! Slow the fuck down! What's the matter with you, huh? Do you even know where the fuck you're going?! And son of bitch, we need to fucking talk about that bullshit at the hive! The fuck was that?! You just gonna fly by me and ignore me--

YOU FUCKIN' IGNORING ME NOW, ASSHOLE?! Goofy-ass, broke-ass wing, hat-head-lookin' motherfucker!

Alright, we're at the bay.  Now, look for your asshole fish friend.  Do you even know what he looks like? I'm not here to babysit your dumb ass, so don't be a fucking nimrod with--

Uh...I think I found him.  Hey, he's over here--

Hey! Blackbird! He's over--

FUCKIN' DIPSHIT! HE'S--!

Woah! What the fuck happened here?! Hey, you seein'--?

Will you stop fucking talking to that thing already?! I FOUND HIM! HE'S OVER--!

What the fuck is that?!?! Damn, that fucker's big--

Oh shit! That's where all the blood is coming from! Damn! Bitin'-ass fish and this fella must've gotten into some kinda scrap!

DIPSHIT! COME GET YOUR FISH!

LAPRAS:   Who are you calling "dipshit"?

PIDGEY:   Not you...the flying dipshit.

LAPRAS:   It's bothering me.

PIDGEY:   Yeah, sorry about that.  I'm not a big fan either.  Hey, big blue...what went down here?

LAPRAS:   You found your friend, so will you two please leave?

PIDGEY:   That fish ain't my friend.

LAPRAS:   Then why are you so interested in it?

PIDGEY:   I'm not.

LAPRAS:   You offend my sensibilities.

PIDGEY:   ...I like you.  But damn, you're pretty fucked up--oh great, the cavalry's arrived.

LAPRAS:   You're perching on my shell.

PIDGEY:   I know.  I'm fuckin' tired.