There Are Stair Spikes In My Ribs

Huh...it's funny, you know? All those bikers whizzing around on this path before are really giving us a wide berth.  I wonder why that is--

Oh...because Kevin threatened to punch one in the mouth...and I was with him when he did that...and now they fear me.

Good.

Well...there she is again.  At least now we'll know what we're dealing with now that we have the Silph Scope--

Fuck.  Me.  We are going to goddamned die in this house--

I mean, err...we should just go through the house, room by room...especially the upstairs...and just clear everything out with battling...because that's what we do?

Alright, Joltik, keep the electricity flowing through that scope.  Everybody else...watch my ass.

Actually seeing the number of ghosts whirling around this house in a miasma of haunting death actually makes me seriously doubt my choice of Pokemon.  I mean, I have complete faith in their ability to kick some ass...but I really wish I had Gliscor or Elekid with me.  You know...just in case--

You'll scream if you see a ghost, Jess? Girl, if you were seeing what I'm seeing, you'd shit your pants.

Okay...we need to get up those stairs somehow.  It's gotta be a four foot height difference between the floor and the part of the stairs we can actually stand on, then there's the giant hole in the floor--

Or just jump.  Why the fuck not, Jess? We're only storming a house full to the brim with specters...let's not be careful or anything--

Well, at least you made it.  Now...how do you suppose I get up there--?

JESS...THERE IS ONE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Hang on! I'm coming up there! Here, catch!

Jesus, careful with that! Granted, it wasn't a great throw to begin with, but don't drop it--!

Joltik! I forgot you were in the Silph Scope! I'm so sorry! I won't throw you like that again, I promise!

Now, I'm gonna try to make the jump...get ready...

HYAH!

OOW...my ribs...

Okay...now to just...pull myself up...

Just...gotta..put...a little...oomph...in it...

Just...a little...bit...of--

Jess, will you please help me before I careen into a pit full of lumber spikes?! Pokemon! Assist me--

You are all tiny, tiny creatures and cannot help me here.  Shit.

Pinsir, Lapras, Gliscor, even Houndour would have been able to help me out here.  But nope...had to go with this team--

JESS, PLEASE PULL HARDER PLEASE CHRIST PLEASE--!

OWW! Something bit my ass--

Pidgey! Not helping! Good intentions...maybe...but not helping--!

Emolga, what's wrong? There's commotion up there? Jess...now would be a good time to start pulling--

I'M TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN THERE ARE STAIR SPIKES IN MY RIBS--!

Gah! Okay...we're up.  Everyone else, I'm just gonna recall you into your Poke Balls then release you back up here.

Oh God, the upstairs is even worse than the downstairs.  I hate this...and I have the feeling that I'm being watched...

Have I mentioned that I hate it here? Because I hate it here--

Is there...something...behind...me...?

Emolga...Pursuit.  Pursuit NOW!

Damn, you missed it! Quickly, follow it down that way!

They've gone...vanished.  This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought...

Unless...

They keep appearing...

...behind me!

GAH! Jesus! Hoo, you scared the hell out of me, Kevin! Don't do that...

Remind me, by the way, if we ever come back here...we need to bring a ladder.  Those stairs are--

How did you get up the stairs--you know what? Never mind that.  Let's just pick a direction and sweep the floor.

We've already started going this way...so let's keep it moving.  Jess, if you want to try the other way, go right ahead.  Let's just stay in contact in case of an emergency.

This room looks like a good start...let's start up the scope.

Everything is horrifying...and there's a weird dark spot over there.  Kevin, get your Skarmory and your Meditite ready...things might go sour.  Slakoth, Yawn at the spot!

I...can't tell if that did anything.  Emolga, try using Pursuit on it.

I...can't tell if that did anything either.  Shoot.  Kevin, you want to sweep this room for me? I'm pretty sure it's empty, but I can't really tell.  There's a big dark spot right over there and I have no idea what it is.

Swift should do the trick.  Good call.

Yeah...I dunno if that--

Oh...I know what's gonna happen now.  I'll just...put Bagon away...and walk to the next room--

Quickly.  Walk to the next room very quickly.

This place is the worst place of all of the things...but there's no distortion here.  It might be that the dark spot in the other room is an isolated incident.  Maybe it's some kind of portal--what's that on the desk?

Hey, this is a TM! TM #94...but the name of the move is smudged off.  All I can make out is "ash".  Maybe it's a Fire-type move? Who knows--

Ooh, and a piece of candy.  It doesn't look dirty at all, and it's still pretty sealed.  Maybe if I get out of here alive, this will be a nice little treat.

Hey Kevin, this room here is pretty clear, too.  After you're done there, let's sweep this one too.  I'm gonna try this next room over here across the hall.

This room seems to be in the exact center of the spirit vortex, so maybe we'll find something--

Oh fuck.